My homework has been a little stressful for me this week. The workload is heavy, but the content this week was not in agreement with my personal beliefs so it seemed even heavier. Tonight I took some time to turn to my Beth Moore 90 day study of David that I got for Christmas year before last. Hey, I said it was a 90 day study; not that it had to be done in 90 days! LOL! I know that a lot of people go to the Psalms for comfort, and David wrote many of them, but I like to go straight to Samuel and revisit the trials of David. After all, if anybody can relate to feeling the pressure, I'm sure David can. Being chased through the wilderness by a jealous king will definitely put some pressure on you! I guess that's why David is my favorite man of the Bible. He was very real. His rise to the top wasn't easy. He made his fair share of mistakes, but he always had a heart for God.
The topic of the study today was the devastation David felt when, in the midst of a celebration, God struck Uzzah dead. David was celebrating because he was returning the Ark to the land of David. Ussah was struck dead when he reached out to steady the ark, which wasn't being carried in the way that God had instructed the Isrealites to carry it. David became angry at God for killing Uzzah and left the ark at the home of Obed-Edom. He felt that the ark would never be able to return to the land of David. See, even great men of the Bible like David had times when they were angry at God. If you want to find out the rest of the story, read 2 Samuel chapter 6.
Beth talked about how unexpected tragedy is always hard to deal with, but that it is even more difficult in the midst of what should be a celebration. She gave examples of people left standing at the alter or joyful parents who experience a miscarriage. Then, she goes on to say, "In times like these, we find out whether we have based our faith on who God is or on what He does." Wow! I have heard something similar before, but in the context of David and the examples she gave, it really struck home. My week has been difficult, but it has been, thankfully, free of tragedy. I did take a moment, however, to reflect back on my life and the personal tragedies that I have experienced. I can definitely see that as my faith has grown I have been able to better deal with the tragedies. I have a long way to go, but I do know that my faith is based on who God is and not what he does or what I think he doesn't do in my life. So, tonight, I have a few more things to be thankful for when I lay my head on the pillow. I hope you do too!
Friday, July 12, 2013
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Just Wondering?
I've been thinking a lot today about gay marriage. Well, not just today, but often given the recent push to legalize gay marriage in various states. I am not one to dive into controversial topics, and I have debated whether or not to do so this time. That being said, writing is most often how I process things that are floating around in my head and in my heart, so I have decided to put some thoughts out there. Let me be clear before I begin. I am not posting this blog in order to attack any person or lifestyle, and I would very much appreciate not being attacked by others for putting my thoughts out there.
I am a professed Christian. I try to live my life not in order to please people but in order to demonstrate God's love. I have been blessed in my life with many mentors who have and do set great examples for me to follow, but I am ultimately, as a Christian, always looking to how Jesus lived His life so that I might become more like Him. Jesus didn't come to Earth to participate in politics. His followers were at first disappointed when they learned that He wasn't going to deliver them by ousting the Roman government and placing himself on the throne. He came to demonstrate His unfailing love for us. He gave His life so that we may have eternal life. I am so far from being an expert on the Bible that I hesitate to ever quote it. I do, however, feel very confident in saying that the greatest commandment is to love; love God first and love each other as God has loved us. In demonstrating this love for God and in an effort to live by the principles that we hold true in His word, we must be careful that we don't force our beliefs and that love on other people. Jesus, after all, never forced His love on anyone.
The United States of America was founded by men and women who came to this country seeking a fresh start and a place to worship free from government persecution. Our Constitution was written so that the basic rights of freedom would forever be protected. As citizens of these United States we are promised life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I have learned through the years that happiness is just an emotion that can't compare with the joy that comes from knowing Jesus as my Lord and savior, but I do still enjoy being happy. Some of the things that bring me happiness are silly: a clean car, a clean house, an ice cream sundae, and finding a great deal on an item that I have had my eye on. Some of them are more serious: spending time with my family, being able to go to church on Sunday and worship without the fear of persecution, seeing my children's face light up when they reach a goal or see an old friend or watching my niece prepare to marry the man she loves later this year. All of these things I often take for granted despite my best efforts not to do so. Today, as I thought about the decisions the Supreme Court handed down and the ones I'm sure it will face in the near future, I pondered something. What if my niece were not marrying the man of her dreams? What if she were gay and wanted to marry the woman of her dreams? Would I love her any less? Certainly not. My love for her isn't based on her sexual preference. What would I do? What would I say when my friends and fellow church members looked at her with disgust and told her that she didn't have the right to the same pursuit of happiness that straight couples have because we believe that homosexuality is wrong?
So, with all of this on my mind and in my heart, I've been asking myself what would Jesus do? Is it right for us to impose our beliefs on consenting adults who are responsible, loving members of society? Is it right for us to condemn and pass judgment when we know that our own lives are riddled with sin? Does giving someone else the same basic right to marriage that we take for granted somehow diminish or dismiss our own faith? If we insert our religious beliefs into our Constitution in such a way that we deny the very basic freedoms that we have fought so hard to protect, are we any better than the governments that we sought refuge from so long ago?
Certainly something to think and pray about.
I am a professed Christian. I try to live my life not in order to please people but in order to demonstrate God's love. I have been blessed in my life with many mentors who have and do set great examples for me to follow, but I am ultimately, as a Christian, always looking to how Jesus lived His life so that I might become more like Him. Jesus didn't come to Earth to participate in politics. His followers were at first disappointed when they learned that He wasn't going to deliver them by ousting the Roman government and placing himself on the throne. He came to demonstrate His unfailing love for us. He gave His life so that we may have eternal life. I am so far from being an expert on the Bible that I hesitate to ever quote it. I do, however, feel very confident in saying that the greatest commandment is to love; love God first and love each other as God has loved us. In demonstrating this love for God and in an effort to live by the principles that we hold true in His word, we must be careful that we don't force our beliefs and that love on other people. Jesus, after all, never forced His love on anyone.
The United States of America was founded by men and women who came to this country seeking a fresh start and a place to worship free from government persecution. Our Constitution was written so that the basic rights of freedom would forever be protected. As citizens of these United States we are promised life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. I have learned through the years that happiness is just an emotion that can't compare with the joy that comes from knowing Jesus as my Lord and savior, but I do still enjoy being happy. Some of the things that bring me happiness are silly: a clean car, a clean house, an ice cream sundae, and finding a great deal on an item that I have had my eye on. Some of them are more serious: spending time with my family, being able to go to church on Sunday and worship without the fear of persecution, seeing my children's face light up when they reach a goal or see an old friend or watching my niece prepare to marry the man she loves later this year. All of these things I often take for granted despite my best efforts not to do so. Today, as I thought about the decisions the Supreme Court handed down and the ones I'm sure it will face in the near future, I pondered something. What if my niece were not marrying the man of her dreams? What if she were gay and wanted to marry the woman of her dreams? Would I love her any less? Certainly not. My love for her isn't based on her sexual preference. What would I do? What would I say when my friends and fellow church members looked at her with disgust and told her that she didn't have the right to the same pursuit of happiness that straight couples have because we believe that homosexuality is wrong?
So, with all of this on my mind and in my heart, I've been asking myself what would Jesus do? Is it right for us to impose our beliefs on consenting adults who are responsible, loving members of society? Is it right for us to condemn and pass judgment when we know that our own lives are riddled with sin? Does giving someone else the same basic right to marriage that we take for granted somehow diminish or dismiss our own faith? If we insert our religious beliefs into our Constitution in such a way that we deny the very basic freedoms that we have fought so hard to protect, are we any better than the governments that we sought refuge from so long ago?
Certainly something to think and pray about.
Friday, May 10, 2013
The Winds of Change
As I write today, I am enjoying a much needed break at home. My first semester of graduate school wrapped up on Wednesday, the class that I taught at the local community college wrapped up on Wednesday, and I wasn't scheduled to substitute yesterday or today. As much as we need the money right now, the Lord knew that I needed time at home even more! Morgan has been sick, as have I, and it was nice to be home and just be able to be there for her. I have still managed to catch up on a few things like laundry and cleaning the bathroom, and I am almost done with my to-do list for today. Morgan is feeling much better and returned to school today, and I am thinking that I have just about conquered my cold. Outside of my window the sun is shining and a gentle breeze is blowing. There will be no complaints from me today!
This year marks a year filled with change for me and my family. My oldest daughter will graduate from high school in a few weeks, and my niece will be getting married in November of this year. I'm so proud and so excited for both of them! Where has the time gone?
And me, back in school after all of these years! Praying that there will be a job for me when I finish and knowing that God has a plan no matter what mine is.
As excited as I am during this time, I am also very reflective. I look back on the years and wonder if I have done enough for my daughter. Have I set a good example? Have I loved her enough? Have I taught her all of the things that she needs to know before heading out into the world as an adult? Did I yell too much? Have I shown her compassion and forgiveness? Have I shown her courage and strength? The list goes on and on, and my first response is that I need more time! The problem is that she doesn't need more time. She reminds me daily that she is an adult, and she has stepped on my heart more in the past year than she ever stepped on my toes when she was learning to walk. I guess that is my answer. When she was learning to walk I had to be willing to let go and let her fall if I truly wanted her to succeed. Now, she has got to learn to be an adult, and I have to be willing to let her go and let her fall if I want her to succeed.
We have talked a lot about modeling behavior and skills for our students in my education classes this semester. It turns out that students really do learn from watching us do things rather than telling them what to do. As parents we have to do the same thing. I can't possibly tell my daughter everything that she needs to know, to do, or not do. I have to hope that I have lived my life and will continue to live my life in such a way that I model being a loving, responsible adult for her. Have I made mistakes? You bet I have! Have I owned up to them and learned from them? Yes, that was one of the hardest lessons that I ever learned. I am still learning everyday, so it is unwise for me to expect my child to know it all at the young age of 17. Instead, I just need to pray that God will guide her and protect her and that He will help me to always show her unconditional love and a safe place to fall when it happens. After all, isn't that what He does for us? A couple of years ago my daughter came home from school excited about something called wordle. You put in words and the program spits out a word cloud that looks like art. She gave me one and told me it was for me. Tears came to my eyes as I read the words proud, funny, helpful, brave, generous, dazzling, delightful, courageous, go getter, cheerful, determined, encouraging, follower of God....all surrounding the largest word on the paper, kim. All of the things that I hope to be but most days feel like I am not were right there in print and were words that my daughter thought of when she thought of me! This is now in a sheet protector and in my notebook everywhere I go! There are days when I feel like I am doing everything wrong. There are days when I am sure she hates me! There are days when I ask aloud, "Where did my daughter go and who are you that has taken up residence in her body?" Those are the days when I feel like I have failed her. That is why I keep that wordle! It is a reminder that despite all of my mistakes and the hateful words that come out of both of our mouths at times, she sees something in me that even I don't and loves me regardless. I must have done something right.
Yes, the winds of change are blowing. I am learning to turn my sails and enjoy the breeze instead of fighting them, but I am also not going to hurry them along. Last night my husband told my youngest daughter, now 10, that she was going to have to do something about all of her doll houses and stuff on the floor behind the couch. I couldn't believe my ears as I told him that the mess could stay. I know now, without a doubt, that the winds of change will take care of that mess for me soon enough.
This year marks a year filled with change for me and my family. My oldest daughter will graduate from high school in a few weeks, and my niece will be getting married in November of this year. I'm so proud and so excited for both of them! Where has the time gone?
And me, back in school after all of these years! Praying that there will be a job for me when I finish and knowing that God has a plan no matter what mine is.
As excited as I am during this time, I am also very reflective. I look back on the years and wonder if I have done enough for my daughter. Have I set a good example? Have I loved her enough? Have I taught her all of the things that she needs to know before heading out into the world as an adult? Did I yell too much? Have I shown her compassion and forgiveness? Have I shown her courage and strength? The list goes on and on, and my first response is that I need more time! The problem is that she doesn't need more time. She reminds me daily that she is an adult, and she has stepped on my heart more in the past year than she ever stepped on my toes when she was learning to walk. I guess that is my answer. When she was learning to walk I had to be willing to let go and let her fall if I truly wanted her to succeed. Now, she has got to learn to be an adult, and I have to be willing to let her go and let her fall if I want her to succeed.
We have talked a lot about modeling behavior and skills for our students in my education classes this semester. It turns out that students really do learn from watching us do things rather than telling them what to do. As parents we have to do the same thing. I can't possibly tell my daughter everything that she needs to know, to do, or not do. I have to hope that I have lived my life and will continue to live my life in such a way that I model being a loving, responsible adult for her. Have I made mistakes? You bet I have! Have I owned up to them and learned from them? Yes, that was one of the hardest lessons that I ever learned. I am still learning everyday, so it is unwise for me to expect my child to know it all at the young age of 17. Instead, I just need to pray that God will guide her and protect her and that He will help me to always show her unconditional love and a safe place to fall when it happens. After all, isn't that what He does for us? A couple of years ago my daughter came home from school excited about something called wordle. You put in words and the program spits out a word cloud that looks like art. She gave me one and told me it was for me. Tears came to my eyes as I read the words proud, funny, helpful, brave, generous, dazzling, delightful, courageous, go getter, cheerful, determined, encouraging, follower of God....all surrounding the largest word on the paper, kim. All of the things that I hope to be but most days feel like I am not were right there in print and were words that my daughter thought of when she thought of me! This is now in a sheet protector and in my notebook everywhere I go! There are days when I feel like I am doing everything wrong. There are days when I am sure she hates me! There are days when I ask aloud, "Where did my daughter go and who are you that has taken up residence in her body?" Those are the days when I feel like I have failed her. That is why I keep that wordle! It is a reminder that despite all of my mistakes and the hateful words that come out of both of our mouths at times, she sees something in me that even I don't and loves me regardless. I must have done something right.
Yes, the winds of change are blowing. I am learning to turn my sails and enjoy the breeze instead of fighting them, but I am also not going to hurry them along. Last night my husband told my youngest daughter, now 10, that she was going to have to do something about all of her doll houses and stuff on the floor behind the couch. I couldn't believe my ears as I told him that the mess could stay. I know now, without a doubt, that the winds of change will take care of that mess for me soon enough.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Friends and Refreshment
I had the pleasure of sharing lunch and fellowship with some wonderful ladies this past weekend. We met (some of us for the first time) at a local park. I almost didn't go because it is the end of semester for me, and I am busy completing final assignments and the weather forecast was cool with rain in the afternoon. Sounded like a better day to stay home and clean house and work on school assignments. As luck would have it, I had invited someone to go with me, and she called Friday evening to take me up on the offer. I had to go now.
Saturday morning came and, as predicted, it was cool and overcast. The sun wasn't shining, but the Son sure did! One of the first persons that I saw as I got out of the car was a dear friend and mentor that I don't get to spend time with these days. She has been so instrumental in my growth as a Christian that my spirit was lifted as soon as I saw her face. In fact, I didn't truly realize how weary I was until I saw her. The difficult times of the past couple of years have taken a toll on my physical body and my spiritual one as well. Don't get me wrong. I have clung tightly to my faith in Christ, and He is the reason that I have made it through these times with a song in my heart and a hope for the future.
Spending time with Linda reminded me that I am happiest when I am growing in Christ. I was so hungry for knowledge and growth when she came into my life 10 years ago. Somewhere in my struggles, my hunger was lost. I have been surviving; I need to be thriving. Just like the flowers in my garden, I can survive with the bare minimum, but I need fertilizer and weed control to flourish. Attending church on Sunday and reading the occasional devotion provide me with the minimum. Reading my Bible on a daily basis, spending time alone with Jesus and worshiping Him daily give me the weed control and fertilizer that I so need. I didn't know that Linda would be there Saturday, but God certainly did. I am so thankful that He knows what I need and the right time to provide it for me. Sometimes the rest and refreshment that we need is not found at home on the couch or in our easy chair. It is found in the face of a friend and mentor. It is found in sharing laughter and tears with others on this journey that God has placed in our paths.
In closing today, I encourage you to take a look at your walk with Christ. Are you surviving or thriving? Are you weary no matter how much you rest? Ask God to reveal the truth in you life. If you are surviving, pray for God to show you how to thrive. If you are thriving, pray for God to reveal ways for you to encourage and uplift others. If you are weary, pray that God will refresh you with His word and with time spent with awesome women of God.
Praying that you will find all that you need and even the things that you didn't know you needed as you spend time with God this week!
Saturday morning came and, as predicted, it was cool and overcast. The sun wasn't shining, but the Son sure did! One of the first persons that I saw as I got out of the car was a dear friend and mentor that I don't get to spend time with these days. She has been so instrumental in my growth as a Christian that my spirit was lifted as soon as I saw her face. In fact, I didn't truly realize how weary I was until I saw her. The difficult times of the past couple of years have taken a toll on my physical body and my spiritual one as well. Don't get me wrong. I have clung tightly to my faith in Christ, and He is the reason that I have made it through these times with a song in my heart and a hope for the future.
Spending time with Linda reminded me that I am happiest when I am growing in Christ. I was so hungry for knowledge and growth when she came into my life 10 years ago. Somewhere in my struggles, my hunger was lost. I have been surviving; I need to be thriving. Just like the flowers in my garden, I can survive with the bare minimum, but I need fertilizer and weed control to flourish. Attending church on Sunday and reading the occasional devotion provide me with the minimum. Reading my Bible on a daily basis, spending time alone with Jesus and worshiping Him daily give me the weed control and fertilizer that I so need. I didn't know that Linda would be there Saturday, but God certainly did. I am so thankful that He knows what I need and the right time to provide it for me. Sometimes the rest and refreshment that we need is not found at home on the couch or in our easy chair. It is found in the face of a friend and mentor. It is found in sharing laughter and tears with others on this journey that God has placed in our paths.
In closing today, I encourage you to take a look at your walk with Christ. Are you surviving or thriving? Are you weary no matter how much you rest? Ask God to reveal the truth in you life. If you are surviving, pray for God to show you how to thrive. If you are thriving, pray for God to reveal ways for you to encourage and uplift others. If you are weary, pray that God will refresh you with His word and with time spent with awesome women of God.
Praying that you will find all that you need and even the things that you didn't know you needed as you spend time with God this week!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Muddy Boots
We have been blessed with plenty of rain in the past couple of weeks. I say blessed, and I mean it because we have been in a drought for some time. I live a mile down a dirt road that was becoming very dusty! The financial struggles my family has been facing have taken their toll on that dirt road and my driveway. The road is riddled with pot holes and my driveway hasn't seen a load of gravel for many years. We have known for some time that we were going to have to get gravel and do some maintenance soon, but my return to college to obtain my teaching license has put some things, like gravel, on hold. So, the once hard and dusty road is now the muddy and wet road. The pot holes are now large mud puddles that have overspilled their boundaries as if reaching out for one another. I used to take solice in the the fact that the road was a mess, but my drive and the place where I parked my car remained mud free. I used to. I'm not sure the day that it happend. I'm sure it happened over the course of time, but it seemed to have happened overnight! The gravel that was there has been swallowed up by the newly softened ground and in its place is water and mud, some of which fell off of the bottom of my daughter's truck because she, unlike me, takes great joy in the newly created mud that is all around us. As I carefully walked out to my car to go to church Sunday, I began to think about the mud. I had to pull down to the barn to check on my daughter's baby horse (some kids bring home orphan dogs...mine brought home an orphan horse), I began to wish that I had a good pair of muddy boots. The kind that keep your feet warm and dry on the inside no matter how muddy they get, and you just spray them off with the hose before you go into the house. As I was driving to church thankful that I had managed to somehow keep my shoes from being covered in the mud, I realized that sin in our lives is a lot like that mud. The longer that we stay away from God's word and His people, the dustier our spiritual road becomes. The dust is an aggravation, but it really doesn't bog us down the way that mud does. God loves us, so He sends some rain to wash the dust away. Sometimes that shot of rain is all we need to motivate us to get some gravel and start filling in the pot holes. We know that we need to make repairs before the storm comes because we know that, eventually, the storm will come. Sometimes, however, we keep pushing the pot holes to the end of our "to do" list. The sin that was just an aggravation grows into an all-consuming monster with a life of its own.
I don't know where you are on your spiritual road right now. You may have made it on up to the pavement and dusty roads are a thing of the past! If you have, please take time to look around you. Take a trip down a dusty road or jump into the mud to help a friend or a stranger that God puts into your path. You didn't make it just to be able to say you made it. You made it so that you could look a hurting soul in the eye and tell them that you know they will make it because you have been in their shoes and you made it and you will help them make it too! Some of you may just be starting to become aggravated with all of the dust and the pot holes. Take time before the next storm to fill in the pot holes and clean out the ditches! If you don't know where to begin, ask God. He will either tell you what to do or put someone in your life who will. Some of you may have just realized that you're in mud up to your kness! It didn't happen overnight, but, just like that mud in my parking space, you wake up one day and are struggling to even pick your feet up because the mud and the muck are weighing you down. In fact, when you finally manage to pick one leg up, you realize that your cute little sneaker is still lost in the mud! Don't dispair! You are not alone in this mud hole! Reach out and reach up to take the hand of God! He may pick you up and sit you down on the other side of the mud; I hope he does. He may, however, give you a good pair of muddy boots (a friend or a word from Him), take your hand and lead you right on thru the mud and the mess so that you learn valuable life lessons that will enable you to help others on down the road. Either way, God is not going to let you go! The rain will stop, the sun will come out and, eventually, the mud will dry up and become hard ground that you can stand upon!
I don't know where you are on your spiritual road right now. You may have made it on up to the pavement and dusty roads are a thing of the past! If you have, please take time to look around you. Take a trip down a dusty road or jump into the mud to help a friend or a stranger that God puts into your path. You didn't make it just to be able to say you made it. You made it so that you could look a hurting soul in the eye and tell them that you know they will make it because you have been in their shoes and you made it and you will help them make it too! Some of you may just be starting to become aggravated with all of the dust and the pot holes. Take time before the next storm to fill in the pot holes and clean out the ditches! If you don't know where to begin, ask God. He will either tell you what to do or put someone in your life who will. Some of you may have just realized that you're in mud up to your kness! It didn't happen overnight, but, just like that mud in my parking space, you wake up one day and are struggling to even pick your feet up because the mud and the muck are weighing you down. In fact, when you finally manage to pick one leg up, you realize that your cute little sneaker is still lost in the mud! Don't dispair! You are not alone in this mud hole! Reach out and reach up to take the hand of God! He may pick you up and sit you down on the other side of the mud; I hope he does. He may, however, give you a good pair of muddy boots (a friend or a word from Him), take your hand and lead you right on thru the mud and the mess so that you learn valuable life lessons that will enable you to help others on down the road. Either way, God is not going to let you go! The rain will stop, the sun will come out and, eventually, the mud will dry up and become hard ground that you can stand upon!
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