Sunday, November 18, 2012

Lesson Learned

It's late, and I really should be in the bed.  I had a final project due for a class tonight so I was up late completing it.  No, I didn't wait until the last minute to do it, but it was a rather tedious assignment that I have been working on for a couple of weeks, and tonight was my night to wrap it up and turn it in.  I really should have spent more than 2 hours working on it yesterday, because wrapping it up took longer than I thought.  My grade will be less than par for me, but I discovered something very important during this assignment.  Actually, I discovered a lot, but one thing in particular is so worth sharing that I had to write about it tonight.  Here it is.  All of my life I have been blessed with the ability to do well in school.  As long as I have put forth the effort, I have been rewarded with good grades.  Well, I have put forth a lot of effort on the project that I submitted earlier tonight, and I know that my reward for this one will not be a good grade.  I know this because we have a specific grading rubric, and I know that I didn't complete all of the components of it.  Normally, I would be very disappointed with myself for not making an A, but this is one time that I am just proud that I turned something in to the teacher.  Some of my difficulties came from underestimating the scope of the project and some of them came from being a 20th century learner trying to adapt to learning in the 21st century.  I won't bore you with the details of that, but I do want to tell you a little more about what I learned.

I learned that sometimes the final grade isn't always reflective of the effort that was put forth.  I learned that the process of learning was more important for my future success as a student and teacher than the final grade on this project.  As I thought about this project and what I have learned, I was reminded of my spiritual walk and immediately God showed me something.  Hang in there as I try to explain it....this is one time when the words may not be able to work for me.  Sometimes what we see on the outside of people or the outcome of situations is not reflective of their heart for God.  You see, despite my hard work and desire to make a good grade, it just won't happen on this project, but I did have a great learning experience that won't be reflected in my grade.  Sometimes, the outcome in my life or someone else's is not what I would hope or expect.  In fact, if I had to give myself or others a grade based on what I see as the finished product, I would be giving out a lot of F's for failure.  The truth is that only God can see the finished product in the work He has started.  What looks like an F to us may not be a true reflection of the work God is doing in our own or someone else's life.  I wish that I could say that I have never looked at someone's choices and said that I would never do that or how could he/she do that, but the truth is that I have.  Somehow, in this difficult school project, God has reminded me that I shouldn't say such things because what I am seeing on the outside may not be reflective of what is going on underneath.  Sometimes the lessons that I learned on the first time take someone else two or three or four or five or even 20; it doesn't make them any less in God's eyes, and it shouldn't make them any less in mine.  I need to start looking less at the grade and more at the experience.  I need to start looking for more ways to help people instead of deciding that they can't be helped or assuming that they don't want help just because they haven't been able to "make the grade" on their own.  I need to start showing God's "students" the same grace and mercy that He shows me every day.  Now, that is a lesson learned.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Don't forget to vote!

I have had several people tell me that they are not voting.  A few of them have never voted!  A couple of them are my nieces...they weren't sure of who to vote for.....they just didn't understand the importance of voting.  As I was driving to work this morning I thought about the two service men that lost their lives in Afghanistan this past week and the hundreds of thousands more men and women who have given their lives so that we can live in a country with so many freedoms, including the right to vote.  To not take the time to research the candidates and go to the polls and vote is not only irresponsible; it is disrespectful.  Can you imagine how the families of those men and women must feel to learn that millions of Americans don't even exercise one of the liberties that their loved ones died to defend?  Don't fall prey to the cynicism of our times and think that your vote doesn't count.  Every vote counts and everyone needs to vote!  If you are registered, please take time to vote.  God bless you, and God bless America!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Sunday Morning

Have you ever noticed that the times that it is the most difficult to get to church, are the times when you feel the most blessed for showing up?  That is what happened to me this morning.  I got up early and made a pot of coffee, but decided that we would leave early enough to grab breakfast on the way to church instead of cooking.  In my mind, we would leave at 10 and have plenty of time to eat and get to church before the 10:45 start time.  Well, you know how things always seem better in your mind!?  It was 10:15 when I got everyone to come to the car to leave....and then the car didn't want to run!  My husband, who never believes me about car stuff and thinks I am a car-hypochondriac, tried to tell me that it was the battery even thought the battery was showing full charge.  I, on the other hand, insisted it was something in the fuel system; a fact he didn't want to consider because he insisted in putting the cheap gas in even after I told him that my almost 12 year old car with over 208,000 miles on it really didn't run well with cheap gas!  Anyway, after a couple of laps around the yard and several restarts down the dirt road, we made it to the gas station with Hardees attached and got "better" gas for the car and breakfast to go for everyone.  Yes, there were a few times this morning that I thought about staying home!  But, I'm so glad that I didn't!  We were only a few minutes late for church, and I had a truly awesome worship experience!  One of the songs we sang spoke of how God has never given up on me and reminded me that, no matter what mistakes I make, He never will give up on me.  What a blessing!  One that I would have missed if I had given up easily this morning.  So, the point to this is that no matter what you may be going through, remember that God never gives up on you and use that knowledge to give you hope and strength to persevere and never give up on yourself.  It is often when things are the most difficult that something amazing is just around the corner.  Hang in there!  With God, all things are possible!

Friday, October 12, 2012

Guarding Your Heart and Mind

I have often been told and heard others say that it is wise to guard your heart and your mind.  I like to tell my children in a simpler way:  if you put good things in, good things come out.  If you put trash in, trash comes out.  So, what is the best way to guard your heart and mind?  Today, some verses from Phillipians, 4:6-7 from the NLT version, were on my desk calendar.  "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.  If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.  His peace will guard your heart and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."  Immediately I thought of all of the times that I have either been told or told others to guard their heart and mind.  This verse really spoke to me today and reminded me that God will do the hard work for us if we let Him.  We don't have to guard our hearts and minds; God will do it for us if we just let Him.  If we will just choose to spend time with Him....if we will just choose to read His word.....if we will just open our hearts and minds to Him, His peace will guard them both!  I don't know about you, but my plate is pretty full these days, so I am very happy to take this off of my "To Do" list and hand it over to God. 

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

What do you do?

My heart is sad tonight as my dear friend learned that she had lung cancer and is waiting for an appointment with the oncologist to discuss where to go from here.  The one spot that she new of turned into multiple spots in multiple places, and she won't know anything definite until a biopsy is done.  I still remember that crushing feeling I got when I learned that my Mom had lung cancer.  It has been 8 years, but I still remember where I was and even the time of the call.  We were so fortunate that her cancer was isolated and in only one spot when it was found.  A portion of her lung was removed, not as simple as it sounds, and the cancer had not returned.  She was spared the difficult treatments that so many with cancer have to endure.  I'm afraid that my friend will not have that option, and she will have to make some difficult decisions in the days and weeks ahead.  As much as it hurts me to think of her having to suffer, I know that this amazing woman of God will allow God to use her and this situation to inspire others.  She has already been such an inspiration to so many people in her lifetime.  As we talked tonight, she shared with me her concern for her quality of life versus her quantity of years left.  She doesn't want to spend her last days enduring treatments that make her too sick to enjoy her family if that is what she faces.  She didn't want to sound selfish.  I assured her that she didn't.  I told her that she would know what to do when it was time to make a decision because I knew that she would be talking to God about it and that He would direct her steps; she has told me this same thing many times.  Her faith in God never waivers.  She has taught me more about trusting God in the past 3 years than I learned in my entire life prior to meeting her.  Her joy is unstoppable because, as she has told me often, it comes from the Lord.  I can only aspire to have her faith and be the Godly example to others that she is to me.  So, what do you say?  What do you do when you get the news that you didn't want to hear and you certainly don't understand?  You go to God.  My desk calender today sums it up....."God, through prayer, invites you to receive of His grace and mercy whenever you are in need.  He encourages you to ask, to knock, and to call upon Him so that you may learn His will, know His heart, and receive His answers."

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Have you ever been mad and you didn't know why or even that you were mad?  I was today.  My day started off great.  I slept in, and my husband went to town and brought me and the girls back waffles for breakfast.  I started cleaning house, and, before I knew it, I was suddenly a very unhappy woman!  My little girl is spoiled rotten, and she wasn't doing what she should have according to her Dad's list and my demands.  I found myself raising my voice and, finally, just telling her to go outside and play and let me do what I needed to do.  She, being the stubborn child that she is, wouldn't even do that.  Not long after I realized I was definitely in a foul mood, my oldest daughter left for work, and my husband dropped my youngest off at my Mom's house to play for a while with her cousins.  When they all left, I went back to cleaning and even left the radio off so that I could listen to the quiet.  It didn't take me long to realize that, even though my daughter is spoiled and should have done what I asked without complaining, she wasn't the root of my problem today.  The root of my problem is that I haven't spent enough time with God this week.  As soon as I realized that and spoke to God about it, my attitude began to get better.  You see, I got some bad news about a dear friend this week, and I have been very upset about it.  I knew that it bothered me deeply, but I really didn't think that I was mad about it.  Then, last night, my husband told my daughter that he was going to hang out with some friends tonight and that he would give me some money to take her out for a movie or something.  He looked at me and said, "Is that OK?"  I looked back at him and said, "Sure, I'd love to take her out for our anniversary."  Our anniversary is Monday, and, yet again, he completely forgot about it!  I didn't get mad and rant and rave.  He walked outside to make a call and came back to tell me that he had changed his plans and would be taking me to dinner instead.  So, today, I was really upset about my friend and completely disappointed that the man who stood before God and promised to love me forever can't even remember the day we got married, and most of that anger was directed at my little girl.  Now, back to what I said earlier about not spending enough time with God.  It isn't that spending more time with God would have changed my friend's news or made my husband remember our anniversary or even made my little girl do what I asked today; it is just that spending more time with God would have completely changed my attitude and my reaction to all of those things.  Spending more time with God would have humbled me to the point that I would have been able to extend grace and mercy to those that I love because God shows me that grace and mercy every day.  So, as I cleaned my shower and listened for that still, small voice, I asked God to forgive me for my anger and for not spending more time with him this week.  He spoke to my heart and let me know that I am forgiven, and reminded me to remember to extend that forgiveness to others...even husbands who forget anniversaries. 

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Busy with Things

What a week it has been!  I'm wrapping up my last week of filling in for a 4th grade teacher.  It has been a blessing in more ways than one, and I'm trying to make sure that I get this week's lesson done and leave the room and the kids in great shape for the teacher when she returns on Monday.  Of course, I have my own homework to do, but I took a night off from school last night to go to the Journey concert with my baby sisters.  I'm so glad that I did!  We had a great time, and, as I sat in between the both of them and wondered how they could enjoy themselves with the constant phone messaging and texting, I knew that this would become a night that I would always cherish.  I didn't even have a cell phone when I was the youngest sister's age(20), and I don't think that I would have had it on at a concert if I did!  I'm so thankful for our technology, but I am also thankful that I am from a generation that knows how to turn it off.  You see, because I lived without it before, I know that the world won't end if I leave my phone in the car or just turn it off from time to time.  I missed my best friend from high school last night during the concert. I lost her when we started our senior year. She would absolutely love the technology of today! She was so smart and always willing to try new things way before I was! She would be the one telling me to upgrade my phone and absolutely do twitter, but, if she were alive today, I would call her just to hear her voice or drive to meet her just to see her smile. Technology is great, but some things are just better in person.

It's easy to get caught up in all of the things that keep us busy.  You do know that busy is a state of mind, though, don't you?  Today I went to see a dear friend.  She is 72 and is one of the brightest lights for Jesus that I have ever met.  The doctors have found a spot on one of her lungs and think that it is cancer.  She is not worried.  She is a rock, and she isn't even praying that it isn't cancer.  She's praying that God's will be done and that, if it is cancer, that someone's life will be changed for the better because of her trial.  She told me today that she knows that she will get through whatever this is because God has already brought her through so much.  She lost her oldest son when he was 42, and she says that, if she could make it through that, she can handle anything.  She knows that God will never let her down.  We had a great visit, and I asked her if I could pray for her before I left.  She excitedly said, "Of course!"  As I knelt down in front of her to pray and held her hands, I couldn't hold back the tears.  I had to ask her to forgive me for not coming by more often before I could pray.  She smiled and told me that she did and that there wasn't anything to forgive.  She told me that she knows that I am busy and that we each have our own lives with things going on in them.  I told her that was true, but that none of the things were more important to me than she was.  We prayed, and I know that God's will in her life and mine will be done.  I headed home and was even more thankful for the time I spent with my sisters last night.  I wish that my other two sisters would have been with us.  Just the thought of losing someone else that I love reminded me once again that the things in this life are not as important as the people in this life.  In fact, even the things that people have done to us or not as important as the people.  If you're so busy with things that you don't have time for people, than you're too busy.  Get rid of some things and get busy with people.  The things will be here when you get done with people, but the people may not be here when you get done with things. 

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Busy bee!

My Mom reminded me this past weekend that I haven't posted a new blog for some time.  I know.  I have 1 online class and a computer class that is seated.  I've been blessed to work every day for the past 3 weeks, so I spend all of my home computer time doing homework. Yes, I have been busy, but I am rejoicing all the same.  At least, my mind is rejoicing.  My body thinks that I have lost my mind!  I used to think 5 hours of sleep a night was great.  Now, 5 hours is a nap!  Oh, how things change in 20 years.  Last week a young woman got on the elevator right after me as I was headed up to my Wed. night class.  She still had on her McDonald's uniform.  I smiled and commented that she was coming from work to school too.  She simply said, "Yeah."  I told her that I knew it was difficult now, but that it would all be worth it in the end.  She said that she hoped so, and I assured her that it would and to stick it out.  I thought about her tonight as I came home from work,  picked the dog up from the groomer, took my youngest daughter to the doctor for a check-up, stopped at the grocery store to pick up pork chops, did homework while my husband cooked, took 15 minutes to eat and returned to the small room that we call an office to do invoices for my husband.  It's 11:35, and I just emailed the last one.  My alarm clock goes off at 5:30 in the morning, so I've gotta rap this up!  It will all be worth it in the end.  I know this because my first diploma wasn't easy either, although my life was much simpler in those days.  I remember how great it felt to receive my diploma.  Funny, I never thought twice about the difficulty after I had that diploma in my hands.  My Mom finally told me she was proud of me!  My daughter was just over a year old and really didn't understand it all, but, in my mind, I thought she was proud of me too.  Yes, it was truly worth the sacrifice and so will this be too.  I am not busy.  I am blessed. 

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Embracing my Ma'am

I turned 40 last year, and I truly embraced it.  My sister threw me the best birthday party that I have ever had....live DJ and all!  I love what God is doing in my life, and I am looking forward to the next 40 years.  Well, my birthday is right around the corner, and I have learned that, while I had no problem embracing 40, there are some things that happen in my 40s that I am not embracing so well.  Night sweats!  Weight gain!  Splotchy skin!  I could keep on going, but you get my drift. 

I've recently started classes at the local community college, go SCC, and I feel like a fish out of water.  A lot has changed since I graduated from college over 16 years ago!  Most of it is for the better, but there is still a learning curve for me.  I'm learning all kinds of things about myself during this process.  Last week I learned something else about my 40s that I have not yet embraced!  My Ma'am!

Now, if you have been raised in the South and are my age or older, you probably know what I am talking about.  We are not just taught yes and no when we learn to speak.  We are taught to say, "Yes, ma'am and no ma'am or yes sir and no sir."  We do this to show respect for our elders, and it is a term of endearment.  My sister and I became friends with someone in my early twenties who has become the big brother that we never had.  From the time that he first met my parents he referred to them as Ma'am and Sir.  Eventually he began to call my Dad by his name, but my Mom has remained Ma'am.  If I were to talk to him tomorrow he would say, "How is Ma'am doing?"  That's his way of showing both respect and love for my Mom even after all these years.  So what does this have to do with me and school?  Last week as I was coming out of the restroom at school, a young lady swung open the door and almost hit me with it.  She immediately said, "I'm sorry ma'am."  I turned around to see who was behind me only to remember that I was the only one in the restroom at the time!  I thought, "How old does she think that I am?"  A couple of days later I was waiting my turn in line to pick up my daughter from school and the handsome young police officer waved to me when it was my turn and said, "Go ahead ma'am."  Once again I thought, "How old does he think I am?"  Then it hit me.  I am 40 years old and about to be 41.  It is time to embrace my ma'am.  I expect my daughters and my students to call me ma'am.  I expect the young girls/boys who check me out at the grocery store to call me ma'am.  I wasn't quite ready for people in their 20s and 30s to call me ma'am, but today I am.  I have been blessed by God in my life.  Every right or wrong decision that I have made; every good or bad life experience that I have had; every heartache and every joy;  all of these experiences have made me wiser and beautiful in a whole new way.  I have an appreciation for life and the people that are a part of it that I didn't have 20 years ago.  So, instead of being shocked the next time that some unsuspecting "young" person calls me ma'am, I am going to embrace it with pride.  After all, it has taken me almost 41 years to earn it!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My Take on Ann Romney

I just finished watching Ann Romney's speech from the RNC last night.  I sat and cried as she talked about the parents who lay awake at night worried.  She could have been talking about me.  I didn't vote for President Obama in 2008 because, honestly, his moral values didn't align with mine, and I just didn't think that he had the leadership experience needed to bring our country together and encourage job growth.  As much as I would like to say that I am indeed better off since he took office, I am not better.  In fact, I am days away from filing for bankruptcy.  I don't blame President Obama for my personal business loss, but I do hold him accountable for the policies that he put into place that did nothing to help truly small business owners such as myself and my husband.  I hold him accountable for putting billions of tax payer dollars into the pockets of those who helped him get into office, while people like myself and my husband spent our life savings trying to save the businesses that we had worked so hard to build.  One of the things that I have learned the hard way during this time is that you can't borrow from tomorrow to pay for what you need today.  We need to wake up and take ownership of the mess that we have created in this country by encouraging the "buy today and pay tomorrow" atmosphere that is pushed on us by bankers who make more in a year's bonus than most of us will in a lifetime.  We need to roll up our sleeves and get to work.  We need to stop buying things that we can't afford.  We need to be honest with ourselves and each other and take a good hard look at what each of us can do to improve our own lives and not wait for someone else to do it for us.  Ann Romney spoke from her heart about her husband Mitt, a man who has done just that.  She spoke of a man with a deep love for his family and his country.  She talked about a man who doesn't hate women, but respects them and wants them to have an opportunity to work because they want to and not because they have to in order to help put food on the table.  She talked about a man who doesn't talk about all that he has done to help those less fortunate than he because he doesn't do it for applause; he does it because it is the right thing to do and because he knows that with great blessings come great responsibility.  I pray that the women of this country will not fall prey to the political commercials that paint Mitt Romney as a man who would set women back.  Ann Romney certainly didn't strike me as a woman who had been set back.  She is strong and confident in herself and her husband.  I pray that they will do their own research on current policy by going to the government website and reading it for themselves.  I pray that Christians across this country will ask the Lord to guide them to elect the candidate that represents the Christian values and hard work that this country was founded upon and that have helped to make this the best country in the world to call home.  I pray that we will do ask Ann Romney asked last night and give her husband a chance.

Friday, August 24, 2012

Unanswered Prayers

Isn't it funny how time sneaks up on us.  My oldest daughter will be 17 in just over a week, and I remember like it was yesterday the early morning ride to the hospital for her scheduled C-section.  She was 2 weeks overdue, and she and I both were in distress.  In fact, her distress level was such that the doctor decided to put me to sleep instead of trying to get the epidural in and working, so she was about an hour old before I was awake enough to see her for the first time.  Even though I was already an aunt and a big sister to 4, I remember being worried that I wasn't "ready" to be a Mom.  This was a serious job!  With a lot of help my family and a lot of prayers, I have been able to navigate the parent journey pretty well.  Don't get me wrong....I have made some mistakes.  Don't we all?  I am thankful that my mistakes have seemed to have very little impact on her, and she has grown into a beautiful, intelligent young woman.  And that brings me to my topic for today.

I applied for and prayed for several jobs this summer.  I did go on one interview, but I didn't get the job.  I chalked it up to the fact that I haven't worked for someone else in a few years and that I was either over or under qualified for the positions I applied for.  I reminded myself that the job God had planned for me may not even be available yet, and decided to focus on getting signed up for school and enjoying the last couple of weeks of summer vacation with my girls.  Today, as I was noting that this was the last weekday to sleep-in before school starts on Monday, I also noted that summer had flown by.  Then it hit me.  In my search for a job and my concerns about our finances, I had not remembered that this was my oldest daughter's last official summer break.  She will start her last year of school on Monday.  She will graduate next June, and I know that her summers from that point on will be ruled by things in the "real world".  Things like a job, a boyfriend, planning for college and so many other things that happen as you move from childhood to adulthood.  In my haste, I almost missed something that I will never have the opportunity to experience again....precious time spent with my first born during her last summer break.  Days sleeping in and swimming in the pool.  Days telling her to get off the computer!  Days reminding her that she needed to be thinking about college and making plans!  Days telling her that Jerry Springer was trash TV and that she should be doing something better with her time....like cleaning her room!  A couple of movies, a couple of lunches and a few more seemingly insignificant events that I will always remember.  I have always heard that you should thank God for unanswered prayers.  Today I thanked him for one of mine.  The very thing that I had been praying for would have been the very thing that kept me from being able to spend this precious time with my daughter. 

I don't know what you have been praying for.  Maybe a job or maybe a miracle.  I encourage you to take some time today to look for the blessings in your unanswered prayer.  I know that I sure am :)

Saturday, August 4, 2012

Lessons from God: humility

Those of you who have been reading my post probably have guessed that the past several months have been difficult financially because I have shared that I had to close my business and haven't found a full-time job yet.  Something that I haven't shared is that my husband's business, once a large and thriving plumbing company, also had to officially close.  What used to be a small corporation with up to 20 employees, is now just my husband, a helper and me.  This isn't unfamiliar territory because this is where we started 15 years ago, so I have no doubt that his company will grow again. 

There is no space on the is page to tell you all of the lessons we have learned and the things that we will do differently this time around, but there is a very important thing that is different that I do want to share with you today.  This time around I am not relying on us; I am relying on God.  I am trusting Him to guide our decisions and giving Him the glory for delivering us from the depths of financial ruin.  I don't just think that He will.  I know that He will.

By far the most difficult thing to learn during this time has been how to swallow my pride, and, let me tell you, I have had to do that more than a few times.  I was used to being the person who gave to the poor, and these days I am just a breath away from being counted among them.  We are blessed to still have our home and our land, and everytime that I start to get down about our current situation I remind myself of the thousands of people who have lost their homes and don't even have enough to eat. 

I thought that my trip to the Department of Social Services to ask for help with insurance for my children last fall was the the toughest lesson in humility I would face, but yesterday I had a more pleasant but just as difficult one.  Someone that I have often helped in the past presented me with a gift because she knew that things have been tough.  I don't know who cried more....me or her.  What a blessing it was for both of us.  God in all His wisdom humbling me so that she could know the joy of helping someone else....not just someone, but someone that she thought she would never be able to  thank enough or give back to enough.  As I drove home I thought of my Grandmother.  She lived a life of poverty but you would have never known it.  She never complained and was always thankful for what she had.  I thought about the times she must have needed help and wouldn't ask.  I thought about how graciously she accepted help when it was offered.  I have always had a great respect for her, but yesterday that respect for her jumped to a new level as I learned once again to humble myself and graciously accept the gift that was offered.  Sometimes I think of her and how hard her life was, and I don't know how she did it.  I don't know if I am as strong as she was.  Then, I remember the times we talked about Heaven and remember how she did it.  She would tell me that we are all just passing through this life and that the things we own are just things.  The things will fade away but the lives we touch become our legacy. 

I don't know when this time in my life will pass.  I only know that it will.  I could wallow in this mess, but I instead choose to look for the lessons that God would have me learn.  Sometimes they are easy lessons.  Sometimes they are hard lessons.  Whether they are easy or hard, I know that each one gets me one step closer to becoming the person that God wants me to be and that has been the best lesson of all.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Lessons from God

We started VBS, or KidzJam as we call it, at NewLife Church this week.  I love the excitement in the air during this time, and I so wish we could be this excited everyday about God!  The staff at the church ordered matching t-shirts for all of the volunteers to wear so that we would be easily identified by the kids.  Nothing fancy----plain black tees with the words "I am New Life" on the front and the church website in small letters on the back.  I've been really thinking about those words and what they mean to me.  It reminded me that the church is not a building or a place but a body of believers.  The church is made up of people who aren't perfect but have been made perfect in God's eyes because of the blood of Jesus Christ.  So, to every person that I come into contact with everyday, I am the church.  NewLife is not just our church name.  New life is what we are given when we choose to accept Jesus as our Lord and saviour.  As I contemplated these things, the Lord seemed to whisper to me, "You have been given new life, but you don't always live like someone who has been given such an amazing gift."  Ouch!  He was, as usual, right!  I take my t-shirts seriously.  I know that people make decisions about my lifestyle based on the advertising that I wear on my clothes.  I want what I wear on the outside to represent who I am on the inside.  As I wore that shirt last night, I became more aware of my new life.  It isn't something to hide on the inside; it is something that people should see in me and not just on me. 

I interviewed for a teaching job at the end of June, and I knew that they would make a decision by this week.  In the meantime, I have been applying for other types of jobs, but I haven't even gotten a call for an interview.  I have been trying to remain hopeful and even thought that maybe I wasn't getting any calls because God wanted me in the teaching position that I had applied for last month.  Well, today I got an email letting me know that they had made a decision and that I didn't get the teaching job.  I was much more disappointed than I had thought that I would be.  It hurt, and I hadn't expected that at all.  As I have gone about my day, the Lord kept reminding me of my new life and the joy that it represents.  It isn't dependent upon my getting that job or any other one.  It is an amazing gift given to me by an amazing God just because He loves me.  He loves me in ways that I can't even begin to imagine, and I am convinced that the lesson he gave me last night and this morning on my new life was perfectly timed to help me deal with the hurt that He knew I was going to feel today.  As always, He is right on time.   

I don't know what you may be dealing with today, but I know that God wants to comfort you and strengthen you just as He has me today.  If you have new life in Him, then celebrate it.  If you don't have it, then I pray that you will reach out to Him today to receive it. 

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

A Bump in the Road

Yesterday was a busy day for me.  As you know if you read my blog, I have been looking for a job for several months and trying to get started on some classes at the local community college.  I discovered last week that there is a prerequisite for one of the Education Technology classes that I need to take.  It is Introduction to Computers.  Because of my financial situation I can only take 2 classes at a time and, while the intro class is required at the college, the hours for it won't count toward my teaching license.  I decided that I would pay $25 to take a test on the class.  If I made an 80 or better, I would have received credit for the class and wouldn't have to take it this fall.  While I am very comfortable with a computer, my skills in Excel fell short of the 80 that I needed.  I knew this before I got the official word from the instructor.  Before I left campus yesterday, I stopped into the success center to find out how the online classes that I'm taking this fall will work.  I'm from the old school of showing up to a classroom and sitting in a desk with an instructor in front of me, so I had no idea how to "show up" for the online class.  The man in the success center was just what I needed.  He seemed to be a little bit older than me and was very helpful.  I was of course stressed about the test.  He took time to pull the test up for me, and he asked me to show him what I didn't know how to do in the spreadsheet.  He asked me a couple of questions and then I went to the very spot that I couldn't find during the test.  He smiled.  I said, "Crap!"  He laughed.  I guess that I could have done better if I had just taken a little more time instead of getting frustrated during the test.  You see, everything that I needed was there, but I couldn't see the trees for the forest.  Our conversation went from the test to God's plan for our lives.  He talked about how all of us are going to die one day and that there was more to life than money.  He talked about Noah.  He reminded me that Noah started building the ark long before it rained.  He preached to the people and warned them but only his family joined him on the ark.  We laughed because we decided that his kids probably thought he was crazy too, but they didn't know where there next meal would come from if they didn't go with him.....if you have a teenager you know what I mean!  He said that if you looked at the number of people Noah convinced to get on the ark with him, you might say that he wasn't successful.  But, he said that God knew Noah's heart and God knew how hard Noah had worked.  Noah was successful in God's eyes!  So, I left school a little less frustrated and a whole lot more satisfied because of a stranger that God put in my path.  I didn't pass the test yesterday, but I know that God knows my heart, and He is more concerned with my effort than my grade.  Once again I wanted to take a shortcut and hurry things along.  I seem to do this more since I turned 40.  I look back at my first 40 years and want to accomplish so much more in my next 40.  I also am more aware of the fact that we aren't promised tomorrow and that I may have much less than 40 years left.  I struggled last night with how my failure was going to effect my progress in reaching my goal.  I woke up this morning with a fresh perspective and am reminded that the good stuff is in the journey, not the goal.  So, I'm taking a deep breath, changing my schedule, and I'm waiting with great expectations for the next step on my journey:)

Friday, July 13, 2012

Waiting again

In my last post I was sharing with you how difficult waiting for a job has been for me.  Today was a perfect example of why.  My daughter wanted to go to the flea market, so, since I didn't want her to drive herself and her cousin and little sister, I decided to go with them and drive my car.  I love my car.  I bought it new in 2001, and it has served me well.  It does however have over 206,000 miles on it now, and there are a few things wrong with it.  The air conditioning doesn't work well.  The leather on the seats is starting to tear.  It uses a little oil.  The rear speakers are shot...imagine that!  Despite these little things, I am happy to drive my Durango.  It suits me.  I'm comfortable with it.  In fact, I was very happy this week to finally get new "used" tires and thought that I would be good to go until the time came to get a new car.  So, back to our trip.  The flea market was closed!  We made our way to the Goodwill store instead, and a couple of blocks from the store my check engine light came on as the car lurched forward.  As we sat at the stop light, the engine revved up on its own and the car lurched forward with my foot on the brake.  Something is wrong with my car!  We made it to Goodwill and then on to McDonald's where my husband met us to follow me home just in case.  It may be something minor, but I know my car, and I feel like this is more than just a simple cold.  I think it may be something terminal!  What do you think is the first thing that I thought about when I realized that something was wrong with my car?!  A job!  How am I going to get a new car if I don't have a job?!  How am I going to even get this one fixed, if it can be, if I don't have a job?!  Once I got into the air conditioning at Mcdonald's and had some tea, I began to calm down.  I reminded myself of my earlier blog this week.  Waiting.  Oh, yes.  Waiting.  I am thankful to be home and thankful to have 2 friends who are both great mechanics.  Between the two of them we will discover what the problem is with my car and either get it fixed or retire it.  If I have to retire it, I know that the God that created the universe can certainly provide me with a car, so I've decided to once again wait and not worry.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Learning to Wait

It is hard to believe that it has already been 9 months since I had to close my business.  I guess that part of the reason is that there is still some heartbreak there for me.  Because my business was so much more than a business for me, it has truly been like dealing with a really bad break-up.  The first few days and weeks were going through the motions just to get through the process of ending it.  Then there were the days of not wanting to get out of the bed in the morning but doing it anyway.  Just like with a break-up, time has begun to take away the sting of my loss.  I definitely have many more good days than bad days now, and I am focusing on moving forward and not looking back.  The one thing that I struggle with the most is not having a permanent full-time job yet.  You would think that in this "private sector is doing fine" economy that someone with a college degree and all sorts of office and management experience could find a job.  The jobs are there, but, unlike the "old days" where you walk in and drop off a resume and expect a phone call, I feel like my resume goes into the black hole of resumes somewhere in cyberspace!  Seriously!  I have discovered that more than needing the money, I need a place to belong.  My own desk.  My own area.  My own responsibilities.  My own coworkers who are glad to see me each day.  Yes, in my fantasy job they are all glad to see me each day!  Anyway....God is really teaching me to wait for his timing during this period of my life.  He is teaching me that the job that he wants me to have is out there and that the where and when are not important in this moment.  In this moment I need to focus on Him and simply take advantage of this time in my life to relax.  I've always thought that I had a lot of patience.  It turns out that I have a lot of patience when I am in charge and know the outcome of the situation.  I don't have patience when I am not in charge and want a different outcome than the one that I have been given.  I can be patient in line at Wal-mart because I know that eventually I will get checked out and, besides, their air conditioner is better than the one in my car.  I am not very patient waiting in line for a job because I don't know what job that I am going to get and some days it seems like I am never going to get one.  Everybody keeps telling me that eventually I will get something, and I know that they are right.  I don't have a problem with eventually....just the time between now and eventually.  So, I am learning to wait.  I am learning to worship while I wait.  I am learning that waiting doesn't have to be wasted, and I'm praying that I will make good use of the waiting time that I have left.  You may not be waiting on a job, but, chances are, you are probably waiting on something or someone.  I hope you will join me in making good use of your waiting time too.

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Goodbye Rest Stop!

I discovered today that I am growing in Christ.  We should everyday in everyway, but I have been going through a season of change in my life, and while I have certainly been leaning on Jesus, I haven't been reading God's word or participating in Bible study like I have in the past.  In fact, I have been feeling like I have been cheating God out of His time.  Something happened today that helped me to see that even at times when we feel like we aren't doing enough or growing enough, if our heart is with God, then we are growing all along.  What happened isn't as important as knowing that I could have reacted with anger or shed tears of disappointment, but I chose instead to focus on what I have gained instead of what I have lost and reacted in love.  I explained to my girls, who were upset by the incident, that people come into and out of our lives for different reasons and seasons.  Some people come into our lives and remain an active part of them for as long as we live.  Some people come into our lives for a season and a specific reason and then are gone leaving footprints on our hearts.  And, unfortunately, there are some people who come into our lives and cause us nothing but pain and grief.  Those are the people that we sometimes have to distance ourselves from because we are seeking peace, not strife.  In the end, the affect that people have on us is entirely up to us.  We can't make them like us or want to spend time with us.  We can't make them change their behavior.  We can't and shouldn't change who we are to become someone we think they would approve of or like better.  We can, however, completely control how we react to other people's treatment of us.  We can choose to focus on Jesus and strive to be the person that He created us to be.  We are human, and we will experience hurt feelings and disappointments, but we can turn those feelings over to Jesus and let Him replace them with abounding love.  That's what I did today.

Thank you Lord for being with me in every moment of every day.  Thank you for continually working on me and molding me into the person that you know I can be even when I have taken a step back from the front lines so to speak.  Thank you for bringing me along the road of life and not leaving me stuck at the rest stop:)

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Rollercoaster

This has been a rollercoaster week for me.  Worked hard with Mom to pick and can green beans Monday and Tuesday.  Had my first job interview since closing Curves yesterday.  Learned this morning of the passing of a friend's husband.  This friend was one of the many Godly women that I was blessed to become friends with during my time at Curves.  She and her husband love the Lord and serve Him faithfully and are raising 3 amazing sons to serve Him as well.  It was just a few short months ago that I learned that the friends husband had a brain tumer, all of which couldn't be removed with surgery.  They sought treatment from the best doctors in the country, and they faced this difficult time with a smile and claiming victory in Jesus' name.  If you were to visit her facebook page you would see affirmations of their faith and smiles on his face.  Truly amazing people!  Last night he received ultimate healing and was called home to be with Jesus.  So, I have gone from feeling my age on Monday in the heat to excitement about my job interview to sorrow and grief at the loss of a friend's husband.  Such is life in this world.  My desk calender today says, "Human happiness is dependent upon the experiences and circumstances of life, while joy is dependent upon God alone."  I am sad today, but I am thankful that my joy remains.  I am thankful that while my friend and her sons will miss their husband and dad, we can rejoice in knowing that he left a body that was failing him for a heavenly body to be in the presence of our Lord and Saviour.  I pray that God will give the gift of encouragement and lead me in reaching out to comfort this family in the days and months ahead.  I pray that He will comfort them as only He can in their time of need.  Hug your loved ones today.  Forgive someone that has hurt you today.  Show kindness to a stranger because you never really know what that person is going through in that moment.  We are not promised tomorrow so make good use of today.



Friday, June 22, 2012

Redemption

So, my goal was to write one blog a week during the summer.  This week wouldn't have been an issue except for the fact that I want my blogs to be encouraging and motivating......I have been online and at the employment office job searching this week....I keep seeing that blip of President Obama saying that the private sector is doing fine....and all I wanted to blog about was the fact that the private sector that I live in is not doing fine!!  That would have been venting, in my opinion, so I decided to wait until I had something better, again in my opinion, and here it is. 

My daily desk calender devotions have been about redemption.  ( It has only taken me 6 months to realize that there is a new theme each week!)  The last sentence for today says, "He(God) has redeemed you because He loves you, cares about you, treasures you, and has a plan and purpose for your life."  Wow!  I could probably write a whole article on this one sentence, but, in the spirit of the blog, I'll try to keep it short. Think about those words.  Loves you.  Cares about you.  Treasures you.  Has a plan and a purpose for your life.  When was the last time that you felt treasured?  If you're like me and busy with a family and blessed to have one you probably know that someone loves you and cares for you.  But really, when was the last time that you felt treasured?  How does it feel to know that you are.  You are treasured by the God of the universe.  The creator of all things wild and wonderful treasures you just as you are. 

He treasures you so much that He sent His only son to redeem you.  I think redeem is probably defined a little differently by each of us who know that we are redeemed and that Christ is our Redeemer, but I got to thinking about what that word really means.  Dictionary.com gives 5 short and sweet definitions and you can check them out there.  I am thankful that I have been redeemed.  I am even more thankful that redemption didn't start and stop on the day that I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Saviour.  Every day in all sorts of ways Jesus is still redeeming me.  Today for the first time I thought about redemption in a different light.  If we as Christians are striving to be more like Christ, and He has told us in God's word that we would do even greater things than He, are we then capable of redeeming someone?  Of course I know that we can't save their soul, but we could pay the price for them.  We could "buy them back" so to speak.  A kind word and a listening ear can go a long way in helping someone who thinks he/she has made so many mistakes that nobody can love them.  Think about the people in your life that you love, care about and even treasure.  Start there.  Who do you know that is carrying the weight of the world on his/her shoulders?  Who do you know that thinks there is nobody who can "afford" to buy him/her back?  Who do you know that needs redeemption?  Remember, you might be the only Jesus that some people see.  Don't miss the opportunity to show them what redemption feels like 'cause it feels amazing!

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Letting go and hanging on

Now that school is out, and I don't have a job for the summer, I find that I have plenty of time to ponder things.  I know, scary!  I commented to a friend today how one small thing can really derail us when we have alot of other things going on in our lives.  Since I said that, I've been thinking that sometimes small things are big things and that sometimes letting go is a way of holding on.  Let me see if I can explain.  Sometimes that one small thing, when added to a pile of other things, is all the push you need to move in a new direction.  Maybe the direction that God has been trying to get you to move in for some time now.  I also realized that as hard as it is for people like me to let go, sometimes you have to let go of something to make room for something else that God has planned for your life.  Maybe His plan involves a gift for you.  Maybe His plan involves you being a gift for someone else.  Either way, his plan is always the best plan.  Sometimes the things we have to let go of are things or people that we love.  Sometimes businesses have to close.  Friends and family members have to move away or, even worse, they may pass away.  Sometimes the things that we have to let go of are not things that we love, but they are equally hard to let go of for some crazy reason that I don't quite understand.  I'm talking about things like bitterness, anger and unforgiveness.  We hold onto these things even when we know they are no good for us.  We hold onto them and allow them to take up space in our heart that should be filled with fruits of the spirit.  Things like kindness, love and patience.  We hold onto them and allow them to come between us and the ones that we love.  A brother.  A sister.  A mom.  A dad. A friend.  The list could go on and on, but you get the picture.  Life is too short.  Spend some time with God today.  Ask Him what you are holding onto that you need to let go of.  Letting go of whatever it is will allow you to hang on to something that will mean much more to you when your life, or the life of someone you love, comes to an end.  Until next time....letting go and hanging on with both hands!  

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Soul Exercises

Today I read a great article by Catherine Martin entitled "How Do You Keep Your Soul in Shape".  She was addressing the issue of what I call soul exercises.  It is easy for most of us to understand, whether we do anything about it or not, that our muscles are stronger and serve us better when we exercise them on a regular basis.  It is sometimes harder for us to understand that our soul, or spiritual muscles, need exercise on a regular basis too.  She began by saying that self-examination is critical.  How quick are we to point out sin in a brother or sister's life while ignoring the sin in our own?  Yes, self-examination is critical!  She went on to suggest some soul exercises.  All of them were great, but the one that stuck out to me today was this one:  "Do I readily confess and abandon sins, habits, and distractions which quench the Spirit?"  I would like to say that I got this one, but, upon closer examination, I would have to say that I have alot of work to do.  I do readily confess my sins.  I know that I'm not perfect.  It's the habits and distractions that I really need to work on.  Habits like spending more time watching tv or checking facebook than I do reading my Bible.  Habits like eating food that isn't great for my body which is the temple of the Holy Spirit.  Distractions like worry and regret.  Distractions like gossip and fear of rejection.  I don't know about you, but I could go on  if I really took time to think about it and most of this is just in one day!  I know because I am a child of God that these habits and distractions need to be replaced with more Bible reading, more praying and more serving.  I know that I need to be more concerned with meeting the needs of others and less concerned about whether or not they are worthy.  Afterall, are any of us really worthy?  Ok.  So now I have confessed some habits and distractions.  Confessing is so much easier than abandoning, but abandoning is what allows God to use you to reach others, and I want to be used by God.  Please pray that God will enable me to abandon them! 

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Don't Procrastinate

My small flower bed has been neglected this year.  I pulled the weeds and got it ready for the new flowers over a month ago, but I just haven't had the money to buy the flowers yet.  It hasn't been empty though, I have 3 gerber daisy plant that came back from last year.....and more weeds than I would want to count!  I decided that I was going to get the weeds out today and get the bed ready for flowers that I plan on buying this weekend.  Morgan was supposed to help me, so I waited on her to get home from school to tackle the job.  She got busy with her dolls this afternoon and forgot all about me!  As I was out there sweating like a horse and wondering why I hadn't put on my sweat band to keep the sweat out of my eyes, I scolded myself for letting the weeds get so big and so numerous.  I tried to justify by reminding myself that I have had a nasty cold for what seems like forever.  My conscious spoke up and reminded me that nobody ever died from a cold and that if I had pulled the weeds when they first popped up, there wouldn't have been so many and their roots wouldn't have had time to spread deeper and wider into the soil.  I'm sure that God was chuckling at me as I had this conversation with myself.  No, it wasn't outloud this time, but I have been known to talk to myself at times!  In the midst of the weeds and the sweat, God spoke to my heart and said, "Kim, this is exactly how sin takes a hold in your life.  It starts out small; barely even visible to others in your life.  You know that it's there and that it needs to be dealt with, but you try to ignore it or justify it.  Before you know it, everybody that drives by can see it!  It is smothering out the good in your life just like the weeds were hiding your flowers and it is now going to take work and sweat to get rid of it.  There are probably people that love you that will be hurt in the process too. That is why you need to be in my word daily and worship me in all that you do.  That is also why you need to fellowship with other believers and have a trusted friend to hold you accountable in your words and actions.  I am here for you no matter what, but I want to help you avoid the pain that sin causes in your life.  So, as soon as you spot sin in your life, yank it out and toss it to me.  I know how to get rid of it once and for all."  I'm so glad God loves me enough to speak to me; even if it is through the weeds!  And guess what?  I found another gerber daisy plant hidden beneath the weeds!  Don't procrastinate!  Get rid of the weeds so that your flowers can shine, and don't be afraid to use some weed killer to keep the darn things from coming up in the first place! 

Monday, May 21, 2012

Just some Lotion

Yesterday Morgan and I went to the movies.  Just us.  One large popcorn and 2 large sodas.  We had a great afternoon!  After the movies, we went to Family Dollar just to look.  30 minutes and $40 later we came out with some things that we needed and a couple that we just had to have.  Morgan just had to have the giant cupcake pan, which we tried out as soon as we got home.  You should have seen her face when we took it out of the oven!  I just had to have a bottle of Jergen's Original Scent Lotion.  One of the last things that my Grandmother, Nanny to me, asked me to bring her when I visited her in the hospital was a bottle of that lotion.  She loved it!  And it had to be original scent!  I opened it up in the store to smell it.  I smiled as I thought of her request.  I would have spent $40 on lotion if she had asked for it, but she only wanted Jergen's.  Boy, would I love to see her and touch her just for a few minutes!  So, this morning after my shower I took the bottle out and covered myself from head to toe with Jergen's Original Scent.  My allergies drive me nuts, so I don't normally use scented body lotion.  Today I used plenty!  You should have seen my face!  It had a smile on it as big as Texas!  The kind of smile you have when you drive 5 hours and walk into the room to see someone you love to pieces because just hearing her voice on the phone doesn't comfort you the way that putting your arms around her does.  I know that I can't be with her now, but I closed my eyes and saw her face, heard her voice, smelled her lotion and felt her presence this morning.  To most people it is just some lotion.  To me it is a precious reminder of someone who can't be here in body, but will live on in spirit as long as I remember and share her stories with my kids so that they will remember too. 

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Hope

As my relationship with Christ grows, I am learning to be less of a worrier and more of a worshiper.  It hasn't been an easy thing for me.  Anyone that knows me will tell you that I am a natural born Martha.  I worry about details and chores that need to be done.  Very seldom do I just hang out at home.  Even when I do sit down to watch TV, I do laundry or get up during commercials to do some task.  Relaxing is something that doesn't just happen for me.  I have to plan for it!  So, there are some difficult things that I have been experiencing over the course of the last 4 years and most recently, a broken relationship in my family.  I am thankful for my growth in Christ because the person that I was several years ago would be a miserable wreck by now and would have made herself sick worrying about the situations.  The woman that I am becoming today knows that God has not only seen my past and sees my now; he also sees my tomorrow and has already taken steps to help me handle whatever happens when I get there.  Don't get me wrong.  I still have moments when the worry creeps in and starts to consume my thoughts, but I now know that I can take those thoughts and cast them away in the name of Jesus.  He didn't die on a cross so that I would spend my time worrying about bills to pay or family members who don't speak to each other.  I pray for God to give me opportunities to work so that I can better manage my finances, and I pray that God will heal the hearts of family members who can't let go of anger and pride or whatever it is that keeps them apart.  I try to replace the worries with worship by being thankful for something in place of worrying.  Today on the way home from work I was listening to my favorite Christian radio station.  A mother called to thank the radio station for playing a song that she said has helped her get through the difficult days and nights that she faces since the death of her 4 month old baby.  My heart broke as she shared her story.  On my worst day filled with phone calls about our debt or a sad heart because someone that I love doesn't attend family functions or take time to see our Mom on Mother's Day, I still can't even begin to know the hurt and pain of this Mother.  As long as I am alive and able to work there is hope for my financial future.  As long as my family members are alive there is hope for reconciliation.  So, today, I am thankful for 2 healthy daughters and a God that gives me hope and the strength to focus on the hope and not the worries of the day.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Jesus Eyes and Jesus Ears

One of the things that I strive to always do is look at others throught the eyes of Jesus and listen to what they say with His ears.  Here's why.  When I look at others without my Jesus eyes, I tend to notice their faults instead of their gifts.  When I listen to what others say without my Jesus ears, I tend to hear only what comes out of their mouth instead of hearing what is coming out of their heart.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying that we should always overlook or ignore things that others do to hurt us or not hold others accountable for their actions.  What I am saying is that we need to remember that a person is not made up of just his/her bad choices.  When Jesus looks at us, He looks right past our imperfections and straight into our hearts.  He sees something good because He was there at creation, and He knows that we are good.  My husband says that I am naive.  He thinks that I let people walk all over me.  Maybe according to the standards of the world I am too nice, but the moment that I accepted Jesus Christ as my saviour I began to hold myself to a higher standard.  I wish that I could say that I have always stayed the course, but the truth is that I was out of church and away from God for a number of years.  Notice that I said that I was away from God.  He never left me.  I give thanks to Him for staying with me even when I wasn't serving Him.  I know that it was His hand that kept me safe and kept me out of trouble during a time in my life when I wasn't making very good choices.  It was the voice of the Holy Spirit calling me to draw near to God and find a church home over nine years ago.  It was the same voice that encouraged me to do more than just attend church.  It encouraged me to get involved and put my faith into action because the Bible tells us that faith without action is dead.  It is that same gentle Spirit that helps me to look past the drug addiction, the alcohol addiction, the pornography addiction, the laziness, the dishonesty, the adultry, the selfishness, the hatefullness that I see in people.  It reminds me that underneath all of that junk is a hurting soul that needs the healing touch of Jesus, and I might be the vessel that He has chosen to reach them.  I am humbled that He would choose me for such a task.  I don't think that I am worthy, but I know that as His vessel, it is He that will be doing all of the work if I will just agree to let Him work through me.  I was reminded of this one morning on my way to work.  Derwin Grey was on the radio talking about a conversation between Jesus and Gabriel.  He said that Gabriel was surprised to learn that Jesus' plan for spreading the good news about what He had done for us depended on a group of diciples that followed Him.  Gabriel asked if there was a better way to spread the word to the ends of the earth, and Jesus replied that he was counting on us.  Counting on me and you.  Can you believe that?  There are people all around us who are hurting in ways that we can't even imagine.  They pass by us and even speak to us every day.  We are often too busy to notice.  My prayer today is that God will bless us all with the eyes and ears of Jesus and that we will notice and reach out to the hurting people that He sends our way each day.

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Blessed

The kids have been on Spring Break this week.  We didn't have the money to go anywhere, but we have had fun hanging out at home.  My girls are country girls, and, while they do love the beach, they had a blast playing in the mud one day, and Ellen has enjoyed getting to know her horse again.  She has always been very good at it, so I was very happy to see her get back in the saddle this week.  The best part for me was not getting up at 5:30 every day!  I just don't think God intended for us to get up before the sun!  This morning my Saturday morning Zumba class was held in the Town Center instead of at the gym.  There was a fundraiser held today for a little boy who is 2 and has an inoperable brain tumor.  His family has been going through a very difficult time.  I can't even imagine.  Today as I was doing Zumba in the cool morning air with the sun smiling down on me, I thanked God.  I thanked him for the beautiful weather, for the fact that I am able to move my body no matter how funny it looks, and I thanked him for my girls who are both healthy and cancer free!  I have struggled with our financial difficulties this week and have grieved a little about not being able to do some of the things that I would like to do for myself, my home and my family.  Today God reminded me that I am blessed beyond measure because I have my health, my home and my family:)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

That Darn Blackberry Plant!

So, remember that darn blackberry plant that my husband planted by the porch?  The one that has been there for years and finally died?  The one that I was so happy to cut back to the ground because it was finally dead, and I never liked it planted there to begin with?  Yep, that one.  I discovered today that in its place are 3 new sprouts!  Do you think that God is trying to tell me something?!  What I thought was dead is alive again the day before I celebrate the resurrection of my Lord and Saviour!  My husband was so happy!  In fact, I only saw one sprout, but he was so happy to let me know that there were 3!  My Mom said that I should just dig it up and replant it somewhere else, but I know that it will probably die if I do, and then my husband would surely be upset.  I guess I'll just leave it where its at and let it be a reminder that no person or situation is hopeless until God says it is hopeless.  I see those little sprouts and think of loved ones or maybe even just acquaintances that have made and continue to make some really bad choices.  Many people have given up on them.  Many have told them that they are hopeless and that they will never amount to anything.  I have myself had days where I cried out to God and told Him that I just don't think they are ever going to change.  Then I see those sprouts and am reminded that God can make something from nothing.  He can take bad choices and use them to make strong people with amazing testimonies.  After all, he made man from dirt and breathed life into him.  He can surely breath new life into people and blackberry bushes that  we had long ago given up on.

Friday, April 6, 2012

I woke up this morning with Jesus on my mind.  I wish that I could say that He is the first thing that I think of every morning, but I have to be honest and admit that my brain isn't fully functioning at 5:30, and I'm focusing what is awake on getting my daughter up and cooking her breakfast.  Today, though, my mind was on Jesus and the agony that He suffered for me and you.  I have said that I can't imagine suffering that way for others, but He wasn't just suffering for anybody.  He was suffering for His creation.  He was there when the world was created, and he came in the form of man to live and die and rise again so that His creation could spend eternity with Him.  My husband and I have created two beautiful daughters, and I know that I would do the same for them.  I would suffer to end their suffering.  I would go hungry so that they could eat.  I would give them the clothes on my back to keep them warm.  I would give my life for their life.  This is the love that Jesus has for us.  Today as we were riding through the country, we passed a paved road with a gate.  We have passed it many times before, but today as we passed my 9 year old said, "Rich people live there."  She is old enough now to realize that some people have more than others.  I replied, "We are rich too."  She said, "No, we're not."  I replied, "We are rich with Jesus.  We are rich with a healthy family."  She said, "Oh, yeah."    You see, at an early age we begin to see the world through worldly eyes instead of Godly eyes.  This evening when I sat down to read my devotion for today it was about focusing on things that we do have instead of things that we don't have.  The author, Sarah Young, began by talking about all of the delicious fruit that Eve had in the Garden of Eden, yet she focused on the one she couldn't have instead of being thankful for all that she did have.  She went on to say, "When you focus on what you don't have or on situations that displease you, your mind also becomes darkened.  you take for granted life, salvation, sunshine, flowers, and countless other gifts from (God).  You look for what is wrong and refuse to enjoy life until that is fixed."  I thought again about that gate and the nicely paved road that leads to a house that we have never even seen.  I live a mile down a dirt road that is riddled with pot holes.  Some days the pot holes really drive me nuts!  What really bothers me most about the pot holes is not that they are there, but that they are there because we have been humbled in a huge way over the last 4 years and can't afford to buy the gravel to fix the pot holes.  There it is.  The ugly truth.  My devotion today reminded me that I can choose to focus on the pot holes and worry about not having a paved road with a gate, or I can choose to be thankful for the home that I have at the end of the pot holes.  It isn't much, but it's mine.  My children have grown up here, and they wouldn't want to live anywhere else.  My hope is in God.  It isn't in my road or my home.  It isn't in the car I drive or the clothes that I wear.  Yes, today I woke up with Jesus on my mind, and I'm so thankful that over 2,000 years ago, He died with me on His. 

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Not Good Bye but See You Later

I attended a funeral for someone in my church family today.  It was a nice service.  The church was packed; a testament to the life he led and the people he loved and that loved him.  The older I get, the more I realize that it's the lives that we touch that really matter.  I couldn't help but think of my grandmother's funeral as I watched the family come into the church.  It has been almost 2 years since she passed away, but it feels like it was just a short time ago.  I miss her alot.  My Mom commented yesterday that the older we get the more loved ones we lose.  I'm only 40, but I understand what she means.  All of my grandparents are gone now.  Great aunts, uncles and others that I hold dear have left this world to be with Jesus.  As I get older, I realize that my parents are getting older too.  I couldn't help but to think of that today and wonder how many years I will have with them.  I don't think 100 would even be enough.  We think that we will need our parents less as we get older, but the truth is that we need them even more.  When we're little they do things for us.  As each year passes we begin to do more and more on our own.  We think we have things figured out as we start out on the road of adulthood.  That's when it hits us that we need our parents more than ever before.  We no longer need them to do things for us, but we need them to be there for us.  We need their wisdom and their unwavering love, especially once we have children of our own.  My heart broke for this family today as this wife, these children, these grandchildren said goodbye to the man that they loved.  The Bible tells us to weep with our brothers and sisters when they weep, and I did.  I also celebrated with them the good news that their loved one was now home with Jesus and joining in a celebration like none we have yet to attend.  I also thought of my grandmother, Nanny to me, and celebrated the fact that she too is there with Jesus.  As the pastor that did the service closed, he took time to tell us that he doesn't say goodbye to Christian brothers and sisters who pass away.  He knows that he will see them again.  So, instead of goodbye, he says, "See you later."  Knowing that we will see our loved ones again doesn't make us miss them any less, but it does certainly give us something to look forward to.  I was fortunate to get to spend some precious time with Nanny before she passed away.  We talked about Heaven and the loved ones there that she couldn't wait to see.  She spoke of crossing the river and told me not to be sad.  She told me that she would be waiting for me on the other side.  I close my eyes sometimes and think of her there.  She has a great big smile on her face and is waving to me from the other side.  She isn't waving goodbye, but see you later, and I smile too because I know that I will. 

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Pulling Weeds

We had a perfect weather day here today!  Warm, not humid, and a gentle breeze to cool you if you got too hot.  I loved it!  I took advantage of the nice weather and worked outside.  I pulled weeds and cut back shrubs.  It was hard work but so worth the effort!  Much to my husbands disappointment, the blackberry plant that he planted right in front of the porch was dead, and I had to get rid of it.  I never really thought that was a good place for the thing, so I was happy to cut it and hall it to the woods.   Now, to get to the hardware store to get new plants before he decides to replant it!  Anyway, back to my point for today.  (It may not seem like it, but there usually is one.)  The thing that I like about pulling weeds is not just how nice and neat the beds look when I'm done, but I know that the flowers and/or shubs are going to thrive once the weeds are gone.  That's right!  The weeds soak up water and nutrients that the flowers and shrubs need, and, if I don't stay after the weeds, they will eventually choke or kill out my flowers.  One of my favorite books is The Shack.  There is a section in the book where the main character is working in a garden that has become overgrown with weeds and junk because it hasn't been tended.  As it turns out, the garden he is laboring in is the garden of his heart.  Just like my flower beds, our hearts can become overrun with weeds too.  Weeds like unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred, greed and many others.  In the book, the man is amazed at how beautful the garden becomes after he spends time working in it.  God, on the other hand, saw the hidden beauty of the garden all along.  I encourage you to spend some time in your garden too.  Ask God to reveal any weeds that may be choking out your flowers or fruits of the spirit.  He sees the hidden beauty in your garden too, and He wants to help you discover it.  Happy gardening!  I can't wait to see the fruits of your labor!

Saturday, March 24, 2012

After the Rain

I had a very intense Zumba workout this morning.  Fun, but very intense.  I don't think there was a dry spot on me when I hit the car to come home!  As I begin driving, I rolled the windows down and took a deep breath of the cool air.  We had rain last night and this morning, and it was a welcome relief after a few days of warm, humid air that we don't normally have this early in the year.  Everything seemed fresher and cleaner.  I turned on my radio and Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace was playing.  Wow!  Did I ever enjoy the next few minutes!?!  The air, the song and the dogwood trees that seemed to bloom overnight!  What a great morning!  When I got home, I started cleaning house.  God used my drive home to speak to me as a cleaned.  You know, the trees and the flowers were thirsty for rain yesterday.  They couldn't make it rain.  They waited with patience until the sky opened up, and were richly rewarded for doing so.  They looked more beautiful than ever this morning!  Like the trees and the flowers, we also need water to survive.  We need liquid water, or H2O, and spiritual water, or Jesus.  Before Jesus we are struggling to survive.  We walk around with the weight of this world weighing us down.  When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, His love rains down on us like nothing we have ever felt before.  We are cleaner.  We are fresher.  We are more beautiful than ever before!  I challenge you today to make some quiet time to think about how much God loves you.  God knows what you need.  Ask Him.  Sit quietly for a few minutes and allow His love to soak you from head to toe.  You will find that it's true; everything is anew after the rain.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Spiritual Training

I am not a runner.  It's not that I don't like running, but my feet and knees can't take the stress of pounding the pavement or anything else for that matter.  My niece is a runner.  She made the track team a couple of years ago, and she has been running every since.  She had a meet yesterday and did very well, a first and second place finish.  I'm very proud of her for sticking with it.  You see, the first year she ran, she didn't have many first and second place finishes.  She has worked very hard to improve her times.  She doesn't just show up on race day and take off.  She runs and runs and runs and runs, each time getting stronger and stronger.  In other words, she trains.  Last night in Bible study, we looked at 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.  I have read these verses many times, and have always taken away that I need to run the race and finish strong.  Last night, however, we talked about the spiritual training that it takes in order to be able to run the race and finish strong.  We can't just show up on the day of the run and expect to finish well.  We need to be training for the race.  How do we train?  We read our Bibles daily.  It doesn't have to be a whole book or even a whole chapter.  God fed the Isrealites manna daily in portions that were just enough for that day.  I think that we should feed our spirits in the same manner.  We need to worship God daily; not just on Sundays.  We need to communicate with God daily; not just when we need something.  We need to come to church on Sunday prepared to worship a Holy God; not just because we are supposed to go to church.  We need to share the love of God with everyone that we meet; not just each other.  I know that doing all of these things on a daily basis is sometimes hard, but doing the hard work is what makes you stronger.  I don't know about you, but I want to be as strong as possible each day when I put my shoes on and hit the trail.  I don't want to merely crawl across that finish line; I want to race across it with my head held high as my friends and family who have already made it cheer me home! 

Monday, March 19, 2012

Working It Out

You would think that by this point in my life that I would have won my battle with weight.  By the third grade it was clear that I was going to be the chubby kid.  We didn't even have a McDonalds in my hometown back then, and my Mom did all of the cooking.  We didn't have video games, and we only got 1 channel without snow.  No, not snow on the ground, but the white fuzzy lines that appeared on the TV when the reception wasn't good!  Remember those days?!  Anyway, my point is that we, my sisters and myself, spent most of our days outside running through the woods and playing in the creek.  I shouldn't have been overweight, but I was.  By the time that I entered high school I had started playing basketball, my Mom got us a Jane Kennedy workout record---no videos yet either, and we went on some crazy diet my uncle gave us.  I did lose weight and, while I never could get away with eating everything that the other kids ate, I did manage to control my weight.  I controlled it, that is, until my early thirties when I had my second child and returned to a high stress job working 45-60 hours a week.  My husband and I both worked, and we ate out at least 3 times a week.  I found Curves just before I gave up the job and not long after I quit work the pounds began to melt.  I was very close to a healthy weight for the first time in years.  Then life happened and financial stress took it's toll on me as I turned 40 last year.  I packed on 20 pounds in a few months!  There is something crazy going on with me and my hormones!  I'll have to write about that another day!  When I began to make my way out of the pit that I had fallen into, I was angry at myself and very frustrated that I had to now re-lose the weight that I had already lost once.  I was miserable, but God and my friends didn't leave me there long!  I have been working out on a regular basis since January, and the scale hasn't been moving!  2 weeks ago I was down 2 pounds, and I saw the light at the end of the tunnel!  Unfortunately for me though, managing my weight is something that I will have to work at for the rest of my life.  I am tracking my food intake and exercise daily, and I think that I will probably do this in some form as long as I am alive.  I have shared before with friends that my problem with food is the cross that I have to carry.  We all have one.  For some people it's alcohol or drugs, and for some people it's a physical pain or disability that they have to overcome.  Even the great disciple, Paul, had a thorn in his side.  As a matter of fact, when I think about all of the battles that I could be fighting, my own battle somehow doesn't seem too tough.  Some days I'm great, and some days, like today, I give in to a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and a small frosty!  The good news is that I don't have to carry my cross alone!  I do have great friends who work out with me and are fighting this battle along beside of me, and I have my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who has promised that no burden is too heavy for him to bear.  I don't think that I will win this battle until I see Jesus on the other side, but I'm good with that!  In the meantime, I'm gonna keep on working it out!  I hope you will too!

Friday, March 16, 2012

When Clutter Is Not Clutter

Those of you that know me will agree that I am a strong type A, left brain dominant personality.  I like things to be organized, and I believe that everything should have a place and be in that place.  Those of you who know me also know that my house is not exactly this way; my desk at work always was and my classroom, when I get my own, always will be.  How can that be?  The answer is simple.  While God made me to have a tendency to like things organized, he didn't make my children and my husband that way, and I have learned that sharing my life with them means things won't always be where I would like them.  It means that my idea of clean and their idea of clean just don't equal each other, so we have to meet in the middle.  Oh sure, I could insist that my children meet my standards and drive myself and them crazy everyday trying to keep it up, but the truth is that I don't.  I used to make my youngest, age 9, always pick up her dolls and close up her "dream house" when she wasn't playing with them.  Now, as long as they aren't strewn all over the floor, where I will trip and fall and most likely break a bone at my age, I let her leave them.  I have discovered that leaving them out in the living room invites her to sit there and play, and I love to sit and listen to her doing just that.  Today, when I came out of my room and into the living room, she was there playing quietly in some imaginary world that she created.  I smiled a big smile and continued on into the kitchen.  The best way that I can describe how it makes me feel to watch her play is to say that it makes me feel good, like somebody that I love just came up and gave me a much needed hug.  My oldest daughter is 16 now, so I know all too well that it won't be long until the dolls are put away for good and the imaginary world all her own will be replaced by the real world of high school filled with real boys instead of Ken dolls.  Yes, I think that I will leave that doll house right where it is for as long as she will sit and play.  My definition of clutter has been altered, and I will enjoy it while it lasts.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

Time: the Best Present of All

Yesterday my Mom celebrated her 58th birthday.  I'm sure she doesn't mind me sharing her age because she is beautiful and has worked hard to get to 58.  My Mom is a 7 year lung cancer survivor.  I still remember where I was the day that my sister called to give me the news.  I had suspected that something was wrong for some time, but my Mom had waited to tell us until her diagnosis was confirmed and a treatment plan was developed.  Even during that awful time she wanted to spare us the hurt until the very last possible minute.  She opted for immediate surgery to remove part of her lung.  The doctors were 99% sure it was cancer, and, because of the horrible experience my grandmother had with her tumor during biopsy, she was afraid going in to biopsy would give it the opportunity to spread.  She just wanted it out.  My Mom never ceases to amaze me.  She had a terrible complication after the surgery.  We almost lost her.  Her 3-5 day stay in the hospital turned into 15.  The family was upset with the doctor and the hospital because a "mistake" had been made, and we weren't being told what was going on with her.  Through all of this my Mom never complained.  She did everything the doctors and nurses told her to do and tried to do it with a smile.  She still tells us to this day that she had the best surgeon available and that he saved her life.  I can't even begin to tell you in this small space all of the lessons that I learned from her during this time.  You may be thinking, "What does all of this have to do with time and a present?"  Here you go.  This year I was reminded of all of the pain that we went through during this time; the uncertainty, the fear and the anger, when my friend lost her Mom to lung cancer.  I was also reminded of how blessed I am to still have my Mom with me.  You see, I am no better or worse than my friend.  My Mom is not better or worse than my friend's Mom.  God could have called my Mom home 7 years ago, but He didn't.  It is for that reason that this year my husband and I cooked dinner and took it to my Mom's for her birthday.  When my daughters asked what we were getting her for her present, I told them that we were taking her dinner and spending time with her.  Precious, precious time. 

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

More Than a Mom

My teenage daughter surprised me last night when she said that she read my blog.  I was even more surprised when she said, "I never knew that you always wanted to be a writer."  Not only did she read my blog, but she paid attention to it!  I responded that there were probably many things about me that she didn't know.  Again she surprised me when she said that I'm supposed to tell her these things because she tells me all of her stuff.  She is absolutely right!  In my quest to be a good mother, I spend alot of time teaching my daughter right from wrong, how to be responsible, how to be kind, loving, forgiving and a million other little things that I think she needs to know before she is ready to leave the nest.  In fact, I recently shared with a friend that I don't think I can "get her ready" in the year and a half that I have before she graduates!  Where has time gone?!  In all of my teaching, I forgot that the best way to teach someone is to show them by living what you teach.  If it's math, work through the problems with them before they attempt them on their own.  If it's science, give them plenty of hands on experiments.  If it's English, give them great books to read and let them talk about them.  If it's life, live it to the fullest so that they can live it with you.  It's okay to put our own hopes and dreams on the back burner while we focus on raising our children, but wouldn't it be even better to talk about our hopes and dreams and work toward accomplishing them while we raise our children?  I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer.  I do know that I want my daughter to have hopes and dreams and run after them with all she's got.  If my earlier reasoning about teaching holds true, and it does, isn't the best way to teach her how to chase those dreams by chasing my own?  Thank you to my daughter for reminding me that it's okay to be more than mom, for giving me permission to chase my dreams and for inviting me to tell her all of my "stuff"! 

Monday, March 12, 2012

Where do you start?

I have always loved to write.  It is a great way to get your feelings out and can be a great thought organizer.  I haven't written, other than a few journal entries, since college, and that was a long time ago!  Recently I have felt the urge to begin writing again and have even joked about writing a book.  Time is never an excuse because we all have the same 24 hours in each day; the difference between all of us is what we choose to do with the hours. I have realized that the only thing holding me back is trying to decide where and how to begin.  Isn't that something that holds us back so many times in our lives?  We spend so much time worrying about where and how to begin that we never take a step forward. Of course, it is often fear of where and how to start that keeps us from moving.  I have decided today that the best place to start is right where you are and that the best way to begin is just to put one foot, or in my case one word, in front of the other and move.  Yes, going somewhere you've never been or doing something you've never done can be scary, but there is one thing that scares me more than either of those things; coming to the end of my life and finding my feet stuck in the same spot that they are today.  When our time on Earth is finished, we won't be remembered for the things we did or didn't do.  We will be remembered by and for the lives that we touch, and you can touch so many more lives when you take that first step and get yours moving in whatever direction that you feel God is asking you to move.  Why don't you get started today?  I know I just did!