Not Good Bye but See You Later

I attended a funeral for someone in my church family today.  It was a nice service.  The church was packed; a testament to the life he led and the people he loved and that loved him.  The older I get, the more I realize that it's the lives that we touch that really matter.  I couldn't help but think of my grandmother's funeral as I watched the family come into the church.  It has been almost 2 years since she passed away, but it feels like it was just a short time ago.  I miss her alot.  My Mom commented yesterday that the older we get the more loved ones we lose.  I'm only 40, but I understand what she means.  All of my grandparents are gone now.  Great aunts, uncles and others that I hold dear have left this world to be with Jesus.  As I get older, I realize that my parents are getting older too.  I couldn't help but to think of that today and wonder how many years I will have with them.  I don't think 100 would even be enough.  We think that we will need our parents less as we get older, but the truth is that we need them even more.  When we're little they do things for us.  As each year passes we begin to do more and more on our own.  We think we have things figured out as we start out on the road of adulthood.  That's when it hits us that we need our parents more than ever before.  We no longer need them to do things for us, but we need them to be there for us.  We need their wisdom and their unwavering love, especially once we have children of our own.  My heart broke for this family today as this wife, these children, these grandchildren said goodbye to the man that they loved.  The Bible tells us to weep with our brothers and sisters when they weep, and I did.  I also celebrated with them the good news that their loved one was now home with Jesus and joining in a celebration like none we have yet to attend.  I also thought of my grandmother, Nanny to me, and celebrated the fact that she too is there with Jesus.  As the pastor that did the service closed, he took time to tell us that he doesn't say goodbye to Christian brothers and sisters who pass away.  He knows that he will see them again.  So, instead of goodbye, he says, "See you later."  Knowing that we will see our loved ones again doesn't make us miss them any less, but it does certainly give us something to look forward to.  I was fortunate to get to spend some precious time with Nanny before she passed away.  We talked about Heaven and the loved ones there that she couldn't wait to see.  She spoke of crossing the river and told me not to be sad.  She told me that she would be waiting for me on the other side.  I close my eyes sometimes and think of her there.  She has a great big smile on her face and is waving to me from the other side.  She isn't waving goodbye, but see you later, and I smile too because I know that I will. 

Pulling Weeds

We had a perfect weather day here today!  Warm, not humid, and a gentle breeze to cool you if you got too hot.  I loved it!  I took advantage of the nice weather and worked outside.  I pulled weeds and cut back shrubs.  It was hard work but so worth the effort!  Much to my husbands disappointment, the blackberry plant that he planted right in front of the porch was dead, and I had to get rid of it.  I never really thought that was a good place for the thing, so I was happy to cut it and hall it to the woods.   Now, to get to the hardware store to get new plants before he decides to replant it!  Anyway, back to my point for today.  (It may not seem like it, but there usually is one.)  The thing that I like about pulling weeds is not just how nice and neat the beds look when I'm done, but I know that the flowers and/or shubs are going to thrive once the weeds are gone.  That's right!  The weeds soak up water and nutrients that the flowers and shrubs need, and, if I don't stay after the weeds, they will eventually choke or kill out my flowers.  One of my favorite books is The Shack.  There is a section in the book where the main character is working in a garden that has become overgrown with weeds and junk because it hasn't been tended.  As it turns out, the garden he is laboring in is the garden of his heart.  Just like my flower beds, our hearts can become overrun with weeds too.  Weeds like unforgiveness, bitterness, hatred, greed and many others.  In the book, the man is amazed at how beautful the garden becomes after he spends time working in it.  God, on the other hand, saw the hidden beauty of the garden all along.  I encourage you to spend some time in your garden too.  Ask God to reveal any weeds that may be choking out your flowers or fruits of the spirit.  He sees the hidden beauty in your garden too, and He wants to help you discover it.  Happy gardening!  I can't wait to see the fruits of your labor!

After the Rain

I had a very intense Zumba workout this morning.  Fun, but very intense.  I don't think there was a dry spot on me when I hit the car to come home!  As I begin driving, I rolled the windows down and took a deep breath of the cool air.  We had rain last night and this morning, and it was a welcome relief after a few days of warm, humid air that we don't normally have this early in the year.  Everything seemed fresher and cleaner.  I turned on my radio and Chris Tomlin's version of Amazing Grace was playing.  Wow!  Did I ever enjoy the next few minutes!?!  The air, the song and the dogwood trees that seemed to bloom overnight!  What a great morning!  When I got home, I started cleaning house.  God used my drive home to speak to me as a cleaned.  You know, the trees and the flowers were thirsty for rain yesterday.  They couldn't make it rain.  They waited with patience until the sky opened up, and were richly rewarded for doing so.  They looked more beautiful than ever this morning!  Like the trees and the flowers, we also need water to survive.  We need liquid water, or H2O, and spiritual water, or Jesus.  Before Jesus we are struggling to survive.  We walk around with the weight of this world weighing us down.  When we accept Jesus as our Lord and Saviour, His love rains down on us like nothing we have ever felt before.  We are cleaner.  We are fresher.  We are more beautiful than ever before!  I challenge you today to make some quiet time to think about how much God loves you.  God knows what you need.  Ask Him.  Sit quietly for a few minutes and allow His love to soak you from head to toe.  You will find that it's true; everything is anew after the rain.

Spiritual Training

I am not a runner.  It's not that I don't like running, but my feet and knees can't take the stress of pounding the pavement or anything else for that matter.  My niece is a runner.  She made the track team a couple of years ago, and she has been running every since.  She had a meet yesterday and did very well, a first and second place finish.  I'm very proud of her for sticking with it.  You see, the first year she ran, she didn't have many first and second place finishes.  She has worked very hard to improve her times.  She doesn't just show up on race day and take off.  She runs and runs and runs and runs, each time getting stronger and stronger.  In other words, she trains.  Last night in Bible study, we looked at 1 Corinthians 9:24-27.  I have read these verses many times, and have always taken away that I need to run the race and finish strong.  Last night, however, we talked about the spiritual training that it takes in order to be able to run the race and finish strong.  We can't just show up on the day of the run and expect to finish well.  We need to be training for the race.  How do we train?  We read our Bibles daily.  It doesn't have to be a whole book or even a whole chapter.  God fed the Isrealites manna daily in portions that were just enough for that day.  I think that we should feed our spirits in the same manner.  We need to worship God daily; not just on Sundays.  We need to communicate with God daily; not just when we need something.  We need to come to church on Sunday prepared to worship a Holy God; not just because we are supposed to go to church.  We need to share the love of God with everyone that we meet; not just each other.  I know that doing all of these things on a daily basis is sometimes hard, but doing the hard work is what makes you stronger.  I don't know about you, but I want to be as strong as possible each day when I put my shoes on and hit the trail.  I don't want to merely crawl across that finish line; I want to race across it with my head held high as my friends and family who have already made it cheer me home! 

Working It Out

You would think that by this point in my life that I would have won my battle with weight.  By the third grade it was clear that I was going to be the chubby kid.  We didn't even have a McDonalds in my hometown back then, and my Mom did all of the cooking.  We didn't have video games, and we only got 1 channel without snow.  No, not snow on the ground, but the white fuzzy lines that appeared on the TV when the reception wasn't good!  Remember those days?!  Anyway, my point is that we, my sisters and myself, spent most of our days outside running through the woods and playing in the creek.  I shouldn't have been overweight, but I was.  By the time that I entered high school I had started playing basketball, my Mom got us a Jane Kennedy workout record---no videos yet either, and we went on some crazy diet my uncle gave us.  I did lose weight and, while I never could get away with eating everything that the other kids ate, I did manage to control my weight.  I controlled it, that is, until my early thirties when I had my second child and returned to a high stress job working 45-60 hours a week.  My husband and I both worked, and we ate out at least 3 times a week.  I found Curves just before I gave up the job and not long after I quit work the pounds began to melt.  I was very close to a healthy weight for the first time in years.  Then life happened and financial stress took it's toll on me as I turned 40 last year.  I packed on 20 pounds in a few months!  There is something crazy going on with me and my hormones!  I'll have to write about that another day!  When I began to make my way out of the pit that I had fallen into, I was angry at myself and very frustrated that I had to now re-lose the weight that I had already lost once.  I was miserable, but God and my friends didn't leave me there long!  I have been working out on a regular basis since January, and the scale hasn't been moving!  2 weeks ago I was down 2 pounds, and I saw the light at the end of the tunnel!  Unfortunately for me though, managing my weight is something that I will have to work at for the rest of my life.  I am tracking my food intake and exercise daily, and I think that I will probably do this in some form as long as I am alive.  I have shared before with friends that my problem with food is the cross that I have to carry.  We all have one.  For some people it's alcohol or drugs, and for some people it's a physical pain or disability that they have to overcome.  Even the great disciple, Paul, had a thorn in his side.  As a matter of fact, when I think about all of the battles that I could be fighting, my own battle somehow doesn't seem too tough.  Some days I'm great, and some days, like today, I give in to a Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger and a small frosty!  The good news is that I don't have to carry my cross alone!  I do have great friends who work out with me and are fighting this battle along beside of me, and I have my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, who has promised that no burden is too heavy for him to bear.  I don't think that I will win this battle until I see Jesus on the other side, but I'm good with that!  In the meantime, I'm gonna keep on working it out!  I hope you will too!

When Clutter Is Not Clutter

Those of you that know me will agree that I am a strong type A, left brain dominant personality.  I like things to be organized, and I believe that everything should have a place and be in that place.  Those of you who know me also know that my house is not exactly this way; my desk at work always was and my classroom, when I get my own, always will be.  How can that be?  The answer is simple.  While God made me to have a tendency to like things organized, he didn't make my children and my husband that way, and I have learned that sharing my life with them means things won't always be where I would like them.  It means that my idea of clean and their idea of clean just don't equal each other, so we have to meet in the middle.  Oh sure, I could insist that my children meet my standards and drive myself and them crazy everyday trying to keep it up, but the truth is that I don't.  I used to make my youngest, age 9, always pick up her dolls and close up her "dream house" when she wasn't playing with them.  Now, as long as they aren't strewn all over the floor, where I will trip and fall and most likely break a bone at my age, I let her leave them.  I have discovered that leaving them out in the living room invites her to sit there and play, and I love to sit and listen to her doing just that.  Today, when I came out of my room and into the living room, she was there playing quietly in some imaginary world that she created.  I smiled a big smile and continued on into the kitchen.  The best way that I can describe how it makes me feel to watch her play is to say that it makes me feel good, like somebody that I love just came up and gave me a much needed hug.  My oldest daughter is 16 now, so I know all too well that it won't be long until the dolls are put away for good and the imaginary world all her own will be replaced by the real world of high school filled with real boys instead of Ken dolls.  Yes, I think that I will leave that doll house right where it is for as long as she will sit and play.  My definition of clutter has been altered, and I will enjoy it while it lasts.

Time: the Best Present of All

Yesterday my Mom celebrated her 58th birthday.  I'm sure she doesn't mind me sharing her age because she is beautiful and has worked hard to get to 58.  My Mom is a 7 year lung cancer survivor.  I still remember where I was the day that my sister called to give me the news.  I had suspected that something was wrong for some time, but my Mom had waited to tell us until her diagnosis was confirmed and a treatment plan was developed.  Even during that awful time she wanted to spare us the hurt until the very last possible minute.  She opted for immediate surgery to remove part of her lung.  The doctors were 99% sure it was cancer, and, because of the horrible experience my grandmother had with her tumor during biopsy, she was afraid going in to biopsy would give it the opportunity to spread.  She just wanted it out.  My Mom never ceases to amaze me.  She had a terrible complication after the surgery.  We almost lost her.  Her 3-5 day stay in the hospital turned into 15.  The family was upset with the doctor and the hospital because a "mistake" had been made, and we weren't being told what was going on with her.  Through all of this my Mom never complained.  She did everything the doctors and nurses told her to do and tried to do it with a smile.  She still tells us to this day that she had the best surgeon available and that he saved her life.  I can't even begin to tell you in this small space all of the lessons that I learned from her during this time.  You may be thinking, "What does all of this have to do with time and a present?"  Here you go.  This year I was reminded of all of the pain that we went through during this time; the uncertainty, the fear and the anger, when my friend lost her Mom to lung cancer.  I was also reminded of how blessed I am to still have my Mom with me.  You see, I am no better or worse than my friend.  My Mom is not better or worse than my friend's Mom.  God could have called my Mom home 7 years ago, but He didn't.  It is for that reason that this year my husband and I cooked dinner and took it to my Mom's for her birthday.  When my daughters asked what we were getting her for her present, I told them that we were taking her dinner and spending time with her.  Precious, precious time. 

More Than a Mom

My teenage daughter surprised me last night when she said that she read my blog.  I was even more surprised when she said, "I never knew that you always wanted to be a writer."  Not only did she read my blog, but she paid attention to it!  I responded that there were probably many things about me that she didn't know.  Again she surprised me when she said that I'm supposed to tell her these things because she tells me all of her stuff.  She is absolutely right!  In my quest to be a good mother, I spend alot of time teaching my daughter right from wrong, how to be responsible, how to be kind, loving, forgiving and a million other little things that I think she needs to know before she is ready to leave the nest.  In fact, I recently shared with a friend that I don't think I can "get her ready" in the year and a half that I have before she graduates!  Where has time gone?!  In all of my teaching, I forgot that the best way to teach someone is to show them by living what you teach.  If it's math, work through the problems with them before they attempt them on their own.  If it's science, give them plenty of hands on experiments.  If it's English, give them great books to read and let them talk about them.  If it's life, live it to the fullest so that they can live it with you.  It's okay to put our own hopes and dreams on the back burner while we focus on raising our children, but wouldn't it be even better to talk about our hopes and dreams and work toward accomplishing them while we raise our children?  I don't know if there is a right or wrong answer.  I do know that I want my daughter to have hopes and dreams and run after them with all she's got.  If my earlier reasoning about teaching holds true, and it does, isn't the best way to teach her how to chase those dreams by chasing my own?  Thank you to my daughter for reminding me that it's okay to be more than mom, for giving me permission to chase my dreams and for inviting me to tell her all of my "stuff"! 

Where do you start?

I have always loved to write.  It is a great way to get your feelings out and can be a great thought organizer.  I haven't written, other than a few journal entries, since college, and that was a long time ago!  Recently I have felt the urge to begin writing again and have even joked about writing a book.  Time is never an excuse because we all have the same 24 hours in each day; the difference between all of us is what we choose to do with the hours. I have realized that the only thing holding me back is trying to decide where and how to begin.  Isn't that something that holds us back so many times in our lives?  We spend so much time worrying about where and how to begin that we never take a step forward. Of course, it is often fear of where and how to start that keeps us from moving.  I have decided today that the best place to start is right where you are and that the best way to begin is just to put one foot, or in my case one word, in front of the other and move.  Yes, going somewhere you've never been or doing something you've never done can be scary, but there is one thing that scares me more than either of those things; coming to the end of my life and finding my feet stuck in the same spot that they are today.  When our time on Earth is finished, we won't be remembered for the things we did or didn't do.  We will be remembered by and for the lives that we touch, and you can touch so many more lives when you take that first step and get yours moving in whatever direction that you feel God is asking you to move.  Why don't you get started today?  I know I just did!