Those of you who have been reading my post probably have guessed that the past several months have been difficult financially because I have shared that I had to close my business and haven't found a full-time job yet. Something that I haven't shared is that my husband's business, once a large and thriving plumbing company, also had to officially close. What used to be a small corporation with up to 20 employees, is now just my husband, a helper and me. This isn't unfamiliar territory because this is where we started 15 years ago, so I have no doubt that his company will grow again.
There is no space on the is page to tell you all of the lessons we have learned and the things that we will do differently this time around, but there is a very important thing that is different that I do want to share with you today. This time around I am not relying on us; I am relying on God. I am trusting Him to guide our decisions and giving Him the glory for delivering us from the depths of financial ruin. I don't just think that He will. I know that He will.
By far the most difficult thing to learn during this time has been how to swallow my pride, and, let me tell you, I have had to do that more than a few times. I was used to being the person who gave to the poor, and these days I am just a breath away from being counted among them. We are blessed to still have our home and our land, and everytime that I start to get down about our current situation I remind myself of the thousands of people who have lost their homes and don't even have enough to eat.
I thought that my trip to the Department of Social Services to ask for help with insurance for my children last fall was the the toughest lesson in humility I would face, but yesterday I had a more pleasant but just as difficult one. Someone that I have often helped in the past presented me with a gift because she knew that things have been tough. I don't know who cried more....me or her. What a blessing it was for both of us. God in all His wisdom humbling me so that she could know the joy of helping someone else....not just someone, but someone that she thought she would never be able to thank enough or give back to enough. As I drove home I thought of my Grandmother. She lived a life of poverty but you would have never known it. She never complained and was always thankful for what she had. I thought about the times she must have needed help and wouldn't ask. I thought about how graciously she accepted help when it was offered. I have always had a great respect for her, but yesterday that respect for her jumped to a new level as I learned once again to humble myself and graciously accept the gift that was offered. Sometimes I think of her and how hard her life was, and I don't know how she did it. I don't know if I am as strong as she was. Then, I remember the times we talked about Heaven and remember how she did it. She would tell me that we are all just passing through this life and that the things we own are just things. The things will fade away but the lives we touch become our legacy.
I don't know when this time in my life will pass. I only know that it will. I could wallow in this mess, but I instead choose to look for the lessons that God would have me learn. Sometimes they are easy lessons. Sometimes they are hard lessons. Whether they are easy or hard, I know that each one gets me one step closer to becoming the person that God wants me to be and that has been the best lesson of all.
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