Learning to Wait

It is hard to believe that it has already been 9 months since I had to close my business.  I guess that part of the reason is that there is still some heartbreak there for me.  Because my business was so much more than a business for me, it has truly been like dealing with a really bad break-up.  The first few days and weeks were going through the motions just to get through the process of ending it.  Then there were the days of not wanting to get out of the bed in the morning but doing it anyway.  Just like with a break-up, time has begun to take away the sting of my loss.  I definitely have many more good days than bad days now, and I am focusing on moving forward and not looking back.  The one thing that I struggle with the most is not having a permanent full-time job yet.  You would think that in this "private sector is doing fine" economy that someone with a college degree and all sorts of office and management experience could find a job.  The jobs are there, but, unlike the "old days" where you walk in and drop off a resume and expect a phone call, I feel like my resume goes into the black hole of resumes somewhere in cyberspace!  Seriously!  I have discovered that more than needing the money, I need a place to belong.  My own desk.  My own area.  My own responsibilities.  My own coworkers who are glad to see me each day.  Yes, in my fantasy job they are all glad to see me each day!  Anyway....God is really teaching me to wait for his timing during this period of my life.  He is teaching me that the job that he wants me to have is out there and that the where and when are not important in this moment.  In this moment I need to focus on Him and simply take advantage of this time in my life to relax.  I've always thought that I had a lot of patience.  It turns out that I have a lot of patience when I am in charge and know the outcome of the situation.  I don't have patience when I am not in charge and want a different outcome than the one that I have been given.  I can be patient in line at Wal-mart because I know that eventually I will get checked out and, besides, their air conditioner is better than the one in my car.  I am not very patient waiting in line for a job because I don't know what job that I am going to get and some days it seems like I am never going to get one.  Everybody keeps telling me that eventually I will get something, and I know that they are right.  I don't have a problem with eventually....just the time between now and eventually.  So, I am learning to wait.  I am learning to worship while I wait.  I am learning that waiting doesn't have to be wasted, and I'm praying that I will make good use of the waiting time that I have left.  You may not be waiting on a job, but, chances are, you are probably waiting on something or someone.  I hope you will join me in making good use of your waiting time too.